Jokes and stuff

.
.
.
------------------------------

Question: What do you get when you cross a flying saucer with Santa Claus?

Answer: A UF Ho, Ho, Ho!

-----------------------

Question: What did the grape say to the peanut butter?

Answer: “Tis the season to be jelly!”

=============================

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Tree.
Tree who?
Tree Wise Men!

----------------------------

Question: Why does Santa have a garden?

Answer: So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!

----------------------------------

Question: What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?

Answer: A cookie sheet!

---------------------

Question: Which reindeer has bad manners?

Answer: Rude-olph!

------------------------------------

Question: How do snowmen greet each other?

Answer: “Ice to meet you!”

==========
===========

Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a polar bear?

Answer: A brrr-grrr.

===========

Question: Where do sheep buy their Christmas presents?

Answer: At Wool-Mart!

===========

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

===========

Why was the alligator coughing?

It had a frog in its throat!

=================

Why do bears have fur coats?

Because they tried hoodies and they looked silly.

=============

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to
be sure; but scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

~ Joseph Addison ~

==========

**Getting older has some fun moments**

My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds ... only 15 to go.

Ate salad for dinner ... Mostly just croutons & tomatoes ... Actually just
one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce ... And cheese ...

FINE, OK ! it was a pizza ... I ate a pizza ...There happy?

I just did a week's worth of cardio, after walking into a spider web ...

I don't mean to brag but ... I finished my 14-day diet food in just 3
hours and 20 minutes ...

A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live
longer than men who mention it ...

Remember back when we were kids and every time it snowed
they closed school? Yeah, Me neither.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented
... Dad gummit! I forgot where I was going with this ..
.
"Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed."

-- Charles Schulz

A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities, and an
optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.

~ Harry Truman

============

Some 15,000 books have been written about Lincoln — more books than have been written about any other person in world history, with the exception of Jesus Christ.

==========
.
.
.