Jokes and stuff

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Tis easier to prevent bad habits than to break them. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

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For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.

~ Douglas Adams

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"The large print givith, and the small print taketh away" -- Tom Waits, Step Right Up

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“One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with wooden stakes.”

 Jack Handy

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A chicken walks into the library. It goes up to the circulation desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook".

The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out.

A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian saying: "book, bok, bok, bok, boook".

Again the librarian gives it a book, and the chicken runs out. The librarian shakes her head. Within a few minutes, the chicken is back, returns the book and starts all over again: "boook, book, bok bok boook".

The librarian gives him yet a third book, but this time as the chicken is running out the door, she follows it. The chicken runs down the street, through the park and down to the riverbank.

There, sitting on a lily pad is a big, green frog. The chicken holds up the book and shows it to the frog, saying: "Book, bok, bok, boook".

 The frog blinks, and croaks: "read-it, read-it, read-it".

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“If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses.”

― Steven Wright

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“What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?”

― Steven Wright

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How do monkeys use stairs?

They slide down the banana-ster!

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Which animals shout when trees are chopped down?

Timberrrr wolves!

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(^_^) - Outhouse

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time.

He felt resentful because many of his friends in school had indoor plumbing with flush toilets. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him he was grounded for the next year and his list of chores was going to be doubled. The boy was shocked and asked why.

The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree."

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