Jokes and stuff

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He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

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What musical is about a train conductor?

"My Fare, Lady"

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"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."

— Catherine Aird

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What did the buffalo say to his child on the first day of school?

Bi-son!

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How do you stop a skunk from smelling?

Give it a nose plug!

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What kind of coat can be put on only when wet?

A coat of paint.

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To clearly see the nature of the game is to be liberated from it.

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"Inside of me there is a thin person trying to get out, but I can usually sedate her with five or six doughnuts."

     Laura De Giorgio

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Books...are like lobster shells, we surround ourselves with 'em, then we grow out of 'em and leave 'em behind, as  evidence of our earlier stages of development.


 ~ Dorothy L. Sayers (1893 - 1957)

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What type of coffee do vampires prefer?


Decoffinated!

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“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.”

― Alfred Tennyson

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I'll say knock knock and you say, who's there? I'll say control freak and you will say control freak who? O.K?

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What do you get if you cross a vampire bat and a mummy?


A flying band-aid, or a gift-wrapped bat.

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

 ~ Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)

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When a book raises your spirit, and inspires you with noble and courageous feelings, seek for no other rule to judge the work by; it is good, and made by a good workman.

      - Jean de la Bruyere

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"Grasshopper, the three secrets of life are as follows: first, keep your eyes and ears open; second: don't tell everything you know."

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