Jokes and stuff

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“Reality is highly overrated.”

― Roxanne Bland, The Underground

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“The train is roaring toward you and the villain is twirling his moustache and you're fussing that he's tied you to the tracks with the wrong kind of rope.”

― Robin McKinley, Sunshine

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The most completely lost of all days is that on which one has not laughed.

~  Catullus

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"We are always the same age inside."

-Gertrude Stein

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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

-Woody Allen

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You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

-Robin Williams

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"You know, I don't think it would be any more unusual for me to show up in another life, than showing up in this one!"

Eleanor Roosevelt

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Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.

- Robert Ingersoll

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Q. What animal would you not want to pay cards with?

A. Cheetah

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Q: What music do balloons hate?

A: Pop music.

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Q: Why did the baseball player take his bat to the library?

A: Because his teacher told him to hit the books.

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Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?

A: Odor in the court!

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Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

A: He felt funny!

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Q: How did the barber win the race?

A: He knew a shortcut!

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“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”

― Agatha Christie

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How did the mouse save its drowning friend?

It used mouse to mouse resuscitation!

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Why do monkeys climb trees?

Because they don't have elevators.

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