Jokes and stuff

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This is what I believe: That I am I. That my soul is a dark forest. That my known self will never be more than a little clearing in the forest.

D.H. Lawrence

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Packing up and relocating to a new home can be a moving experience.

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A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.

When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

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Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

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There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.

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What jumps from cake to cake and smells of almonds?

Tarzipan.

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What animal is striped and bouncy?

A tiger on a trampoline!

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What do you call bears without any ears?

B!

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Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you and I don’t care who knows it!

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Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!

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Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Carmen.
Carmen who?
Carmen let me in already!

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Only when we remake ourselves can we remake the world.

- Outer Limits (2001)

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"My fake plants died because I didn't pretend to water them."


- Mitch Hedberg

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Is the glass Half Empty Or is it Half Full?

Depends on who's buying.

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The most savage controversies are about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.

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“How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.”

―     William Shakespeare

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The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

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“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.”

Leonard Cohen

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