Kindle

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Helmet for My Pillow: From Parris Island to the Pacific


https://www.amazon.com/Helmet-My-Pillow-Parris-Pacific-ebook/dp/B07S91DQ1N/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_55?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=1QQ78C8H3B4750BDQ4MM

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B&N Free Friday Selection

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THE CONJURED WOMAN


https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-conjured-woman-anne-gross/1123819175?ean=9780825307515

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Jokes of the day

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==========

What did you get when a pig mixed two colors? 　

Pigment

=============

Do you know why you should never tell a pig a secret? 　

Because they love to squeal

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How do monkeys get down the stairs? 　

They slide down the banana-ster

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Why don't monkeys play cards in the jungle? 　

There are too many cheetahs there.

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Can you think of what is smarter than a talking parrot? 　

A spelling bee.

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Nook Audiobook Daily Deal

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$4.99

Zero Repeat Forever

by G.S. Prendergast

Read by Siiri Scott, James Patrick Cronin

Publisher: Brilliance Audio

Run time: 12:53:32

Release Date: August 29th, 2017

https://www.nookaudiobooks.com/audiobook/161387/zero-repeat-forever

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Free Nook Books

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This is a constantly updating list of free Nook Books. The categories are on the left side of the page.

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/b/nook-books/free-ebooks/_/N-8qaZry0

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Kindle

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The Spell Book of Wiccan Shadows: A Guide to Wicca with 200 Spells

https://www.amazon.com/Spell-Book-Wiccan-Shadows-Spells-ebook/dp/B007ONBZ3C/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=The+Spell+Book+of+Wiccan+Shadows%3A+A+Guide+to+Wicca+with+200+Spells&qid=1559297863&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

The Afterlife Series (Books 1-3)

https://www.amazon.com/Afterlife-Books-1-3-Willow-Rose-ebook/dp/B00AFHHMRC/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=The+Afterlife+Series+%28Books+1-3%29&qid=1559297971&s=digital-text&sr=1-2

My Ugly Truth: Life After Abuse

https://www.amazon.com/My-Ugly-Truth-After-Abuse-ebook/dp/B07NQTKCSV/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=My+Ugly+Truth%3A+Life+After+Abuse&qid=1559298085&s=digital-text&sr=1-1-catcorr

Marc Kadella Legal Mysteries Vol 1-6 (Marc Kadella Series)

https://www.amazon.com/Marc-Kadella-Legal-Mysteries-Vol-ebook/dp/B06XW712YW/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Marc+Kadella+Legal+Mysteries+Vol+1-6+%28Marc+Kadella+Series%29&qid=1559298349&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

The Foreman's Trial

https://www.amazon.com/Foremans-Trial-Chaz-Allen-ebook/dp/B07RQ7XQK9/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=The+Foreman%27s+Trial&qid=1559298589&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

The Murder of Patience Brooke: Victorian London is full of dark secrets... (Charles Dickens Investigations Book 1)

https://www.amazon.com/Murder-Patience-Brooke-Victorian-Investigations-ebook/dp/B07JJDFDC9/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=The+Murder+of+Patience+Brooke%3A+Victorian+London+is+full+of+dark+secrets...+%28Charles+Dickens+Investigations+Book+1%29&qid=1559298725&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

Midnight Train to Paris (City of Light Book 3)

https://www.amazon.com/Midnight-Train-Paris-City-Light-ebook/dp/B07QBQX8PT/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Midnight+Train+to+Paris+%28City+of+Light+Book+3%29&qid=1559298922&s=digital-text&sr=1-1
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Kindle

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The Incense Trade Route

https://www.amazon.com/Incense-Trade-Route-History-Ancient-ebook/dp/B07S8QQ8F9/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_20?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HC5821M5WCQGV2DB5V5G

Menachem Begin: The Life and Legacy

https://www.amazon.com/Menachem-Begin-Legacy-Israels-Minister-ebook/dp/B07S8QQDF1/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_21?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HC5821M5WCQGV2DB5V5G

The Lalibela Churches: The History and Legacy

https://www.amazon.com/Lalibela-Churches-History-Medieval-Ethiopia-ebook/dp/B07SBX79WS/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_25?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HC5821M5WCQGV2DB5V5G

Hormones in Harmony: Heal Your Hypothalamus

https://www.amazon.com/Hormones-Harmony-Hypothalamus-Optimal-Graceful-ebook/dp/B01DCG6ZOI/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_28?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HC5821M5WCQGV2DB5V5G

Best Vegetarian and Vegan Asian Recipes

https://www.amazon.com/Vegetarian-Vegan-Asian-Recipes-Kitchen-ebook/dp/B010MXJH08/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_33?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HC5821M5WCQGV2DB5V5G

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Advice/ Humor of the day

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Old Farmer's Advice:

-Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

-Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

-Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

-A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

-Words that soak into your ears are whispered... not yelled.

-Meanness don't just happen overnight.

-Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

-Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

-You cannot unsay a cruel word.

-Every path has a few puddles.

-When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

-The best sermons are lived, not preached.

-Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.

-Don't judge folks by their relatives.

-Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

-Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

-Don't interfere with something' that ain't bothering you none.

-Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

-If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

-Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

-The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morning'.

-Good judgment comes from experience and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

-Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

-If you get to thinking' you're a person of some influence, try ordering' somebody else's dog around.

-Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and enjoy the ride.

-Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just shoot you!

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International goodwill share

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A saying in English I saw on a tee shirt worn by a woman in China on a YouTube video posted by a woman in France.

"Please accept my best wishes for your health and happiness" 

Isn't that nice?

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Kindle

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One Hundred Days: Napoleon's Road to Waterloo

https://www.amazon.com/One-Hundred-Days-Napoleons-Waterloo-ebook/dp/B07BRFJNGN/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=DCTHQQP61MSVFPD800XT

I Can't Believe I Lived the Whole Thing: A Memoir…

https://www.amazon.com/Cant-Believe-Lived-Whole-Thing-ebook/dp/B07S7541FB/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_7?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=DCTHQQP61MSVFPD800XT

Quinoa Recipes: The Ultimate Guide

https://www.amazon.com/Quinoa-Recipes-Ultimate-Johanna-Davidson-ebook/dp/B00Q4YR3GA/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_32?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=DCTHQQP61MSVFPD800XT

Macbeth (EasyRead Shakespeare Book 1)

https://www.amazon.com/Macbeth-EasyRead-Shakespeare-Book-1-ebook/dp/B077L45QTV/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_46?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=DCTHQQP61MSVFPD800XT

The Roman Republic: The History and Legacy

https://www.amazon.com/Roman-Republic-History-Legacy-Ancient-ebook/dp/B07SBP76BL/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_57?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=ARYRY101ZV1ECRVWWMAJ

The 84th Infantry Division In the Battle

https://www.amazon.com/84th-Infantry-Division-Battle-Germany-ebook/dp/B07S9PNCDS/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_68?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=ARYRY101ZV1ECRVWWMAJ

To Travel Hopelessly: Five Years of Teaching English as a Foreign Language (The Burnout Trilogy Book 1)

https://www.amazon.com/Travel-Hopelessly-Teaching-English-Language-ebook/dp/B0051W1BRS/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_84?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=ARYRY101ZV1ECRVWWMAJ

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Jokes of the day

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========================

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? 　

Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

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What do you call a rabbit that has fleas? 　

Bugs bunny.

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Why are teddy bears never hungry? 　

They are always stuffed!

==========================

Where do polar bears vote? 　

The North Pole

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Nook Audiobook Daily Deal

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The Risk Agent

by Ridley Pearson

Read by Todd Haberkorn

$4.99

https://www.nookaudiobooks.com/audiobook/30943/risk-agent-the

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Kindle

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The Monk


https://www.amazon.com/Monk-Matthew-Gregory-Lewis-ebook/dp/B00RWJPRZA/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

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Kindle

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To Build a Castle: My Life as a Dissenter

https://www.amazon.com/Build-Castle-My-Life-Dissenter-ebook/dp/B06XDSCM3B/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_23?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=9BX305R0QCYGAVPFX3HE

Chinese Diaries: 1941-1946

https://www.amazon.com/Chinese-Diaries-1941-1946-Robert-Payne-ebook/dp/B07QTYX8PB/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_56?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=5TAR8XJQ1KVZ4J8BJ4KF

Vegan Instant Pot Cookbook for Beginners

https://www.amazon.com/Vegan-Instant-Pot-Cookbook-Beginners-ebook/dp/B07S4FL6NT/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_66?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=5TAR8XJQ1KVZ4J8BJ4KF

NOT A COOKBOOK

https://www.amazon.com/NOT-COOKBOOK-Luca-Longobardi-ebook/dp/B07RZ38PXT/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_87?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=5TAR8XJQ1KVZ4J8BJ4KF

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Nook Audiobook Daily Deal

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The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency

https://www.nookaudiobooks.com/audiobook/05298/no-1-ladies-detective-agency

$4.99

by Alexander McCall Smith

Read by Lisette Lecat

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Joke of the day

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(*_*) - Taxi Driver

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said,
"Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years".


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Kindle

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Isaac Newton: The True And Surprising Story Of The Life Of Sir Isaac Newton

https://www.amazon.com/Isaac-Newton-True-Surprising-Story-ebook/dp/B076SNKWTZ/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Isaac+Newton%3A+The+True+And+Surprising+Story+Of+The+Life+Of+Sir+Isaac+Newton&qid=1559038987&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

Rebecca Schwartz Complete Set: Five Funny Cozy Mysteries (The Rebecca Schwartz Series)

https://www.amazon.com/Rebecca-Schwartz-Complete-Set-Mysteries-ebook/dp/B00QT7U5QM/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Rebecca+Schwartz+Complete+Set%3A+Five+Funny+Cozy+Mysteries+%28The+Rebecca+Schwartz+Series%29&qid=1559039069&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

Coffee, Kids, and a Kidnapping: a Christian cozy mystery (A Charlotte Ritter Mystery Book 1)

https://www.amazon.com/Coffee-Kids-Kidnapping-Christian-Charlotte-ebook/dp/B077S83YMV/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Coffee%2C+Kids%2C+and+a+Kidnapping%3A+a+Christian+cozy+mystery+%28A+Charlotte+Ritter+Mystery+Book+1%29&qid=1559039346&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

Echoes

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07R7XW8Q7?ref_=dbs_mng_calw_1&storeType=ebooks

Mary Barton

https://www.amazon.com/Mary-Barton-Elizabeth-Cleghorn-Gaskell-ebook-dp-B004UJ0ZS4/dp/B004UJ0ZS4/ref=mt_kindle?_encoding=UTF8&me=&qid=



Reservation Trash

https://www.amazon.com/Reservation-Trash-Ray-Harvey-ebook/dp/B07CG6LNTN/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Reservation+Trash&qid=1559040005&s=digital-text&sr=1-1-catcorr

Cinderella: The Ultimate Collection

https://www.amazon.com/Cinderella-Ultimate-Collection-Various-Artists-ebook/dp/B01MSLO9F6/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Cinderella%3A+The+Ultimate+Collection&qid=1559040361&s=digital-text&sr=1-1-catcorr

The Cabbage Patch Cookbook

https://www.amazon.com/Cabbage-Patch-Cookbook-Healthy-Delicious-ebook/dp/B07QWGHWZ5/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_31?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HNZK0AS2ASW0HKC8GB7K

The Vikings: Explore the Exciting History

https://www.amazon.com/Vikings-Explore-Exciting-Discover-Warriors-ebook/dp/B07RRN3T78/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_33?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HNZK0AS2ASW0HKC8GB7K

The Indian War of 1864

https://www.amazon.com/Indian-1864-Eugene-Fitch-Ware-ebook/dp/B07S3RJWLM/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_38?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HNZK0AS2ASW0HKC8GB7K

"Stagecoach" Mary Fields: Montana's Legendary

https://www.amazon.com/Stagecoach-Mary-Fields-Montanas-Legendary-ebook/dp/B01CDXXSPA/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_39?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HNZK0AS2ASW0HKC8GB7K

Virgin Cocktails: Zero Proof Recipes

https://www.amazon.com/Virgin-Cocktails-Proof-Recipes-Favorite-ebook/dp/B07S24V9H7/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_40?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HNZK0AS2ASW0HKC8GB7K

How to Stop Overthinking: The 7-Step Plan

https://www.amazon.com/How-Stop-Overthinking-Eliminate-Positively-ebook/dp/B07RQVSLM5/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_44?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HNZK0AS2ASW0HKC8GB7K

Chakra healing for beginners

https://www.amazon.com/Chakra-healing-beginners-meditation-techniques-ebook/dp/B07RXLFC8S/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_99?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=XSEW3AMVW7XFHJ0NTJH0

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Jokes of the day

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What did the water say to the shore?

Nothing, it just waved.

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What kind of flower has a fierce roar? 

Dandelions

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Nook Audiobook Daily Deal

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$4.99

The Poet

Genre:

Mystery / Suspense / Thriller

Publisher:

Brilliance Audio

Run time:

15:24:12

Release Date:

May 16th, 2017

https://www.nookaudiobooks.com/audiobook/11914/poet-the

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Kindle

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Mail Order Bride: The Bride's Reservations: Clean and Wholesome Western Historical Romance (Loveable Mail Order Brides Book 1)

https://www.amazon.com/Mail-Order-Bride-Reservations-Historical-ebook/dp/B06XHXP6YK/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Mail+Order+Bride%3A+The+Bride%27s+Reservations%3A+Clean+and+Wholesome+Western+Historical+Romance+%28Loveable+Mail+Order+Brides+Book+1%29&qid=1558953374&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

Always a Cold Deck (A Harry Reese Mystery Book 1)

https://www.amazon.com/Always-Cold-Harry-Reese-Mystery-ebook/dp/B008G372EU/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Always+a+Cold+Deck+%28A+Harry+Reese+Mystery+Book+1%29&qid=1558953477&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

Force of Fire: A Political Thriller

https://www.amazon.com/Force-Fire-Rosa-Turner-Boschen-ebook/dp/B009LV26X8/ref=sr_1_13?keywords=Force+of+Fire%3A+A+Political+Thriller&qid=1558953633&s=digital-text&sr=1-13

The Protocol (A James Acton Thriller, Book #1)

https://www.amazon.com/Protocol-James-Acton-Thriller-Thrillers-ebook/dp/B0059Y4QNO/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Force+of+Fire%3A+A+Political+Thriller&qid=1558953663&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

The Warrior's Seal (The Tox Files): A Tox Files Novella

https://www.amazon.com/Warriors-Seal-Tox-Files-Novella-ebook/dp/B01DMHVDNK/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=Force+of+Fire%3A+A+Political+Thriller&qid=1558953663&s=digital-text&sr=1-2

The Birth of M.E. Meegs (Emmie Reese Mysteries, Story #1)

https://www.amazon.com/Birth-Meegs-Emmie-Reese-Mysteries-ebook/dp/B008NAB7YM/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=The+Birth+of+M.E.+Meegs+%28Emmie+Reese+Mysteries%2C+Story+%231%29&qid=1558953913&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

The Story of THE RAG! St. Mary's Today Newspaper: The Night a Sheriff, States Attorney and Posse of Deputies Stole the News

https://www.amazon.com/Story-RAG-Marys-Today-Newspaper-ebook/dp/B006NSFV9S/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=The+Story+of+THE+RAG%21+St.+Mary%27s+Today+Newspaper%3A+The+Night+a+Sheriff%2C+States+Attorney+and+Posse+of+Deputies+Stole+the+News&qid=1558954216&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

Pineapple Jailbird: A Pineapple Port Mystery: Book Eight - A funny, thrilling & cozy (ish) mystery (Pineapple Port Mysteries 8)

https://www.amazon.com/Pineapple-Jailbird-Mystery-thrilling-Mysteries-ebook/dp/B07NS8MTXJ/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Pineapple+Jailbird%3A+A+Pineapple+Port+Mystery%3A+Book+Eight+-+A+funny%2C+thrilling+%26+cozy+%28ish%29+mystery+%28Pineapple+Port+Mysteries+8%29&qid=1558954595&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

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Nook Audio Book Deal

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Not Free


Nook Daily Audio Book Deal

https://www.nookaudiobooks.com/audiobook/245265/guardians-the

The Guardians

by Mandy M. Roth

Read by Sarah Van Sweden

.99 cents

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Kindle

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A People's History of Florida 1513-1876

https://www.amazon.com/Peoples-History-Florida-1513-1876-Seminoles-ebook/dp/B00295RQSI/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_38?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=EQQWHCHXHSJN078C3H1Y

The Disappearance of the Clinton Avenue Five: An anthology of True Crime

https://www.amazon.com/Disappearance-Clinton-Avenue-Five-anthology-ebook/dp/B07KV9BC4G/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_72?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=Z030053NNVPK6RY808S1

Yoga for children

https://www.amazon.com/Yoga-children-holistic-approach-vitalize-ebook/dp/B07RWFMVF5/ref=zg_bs_157325011_f_84?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=Z030053NNVPK6RY808S1

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Kindle

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Daniel Boone The Pioneer of Kentucky

https://www.amazon.com/Daniel-Boone-Pioneer-Kentucky-Abbott-ebook/dp/B06Y3Z6BW2/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=Daniel+Boone+The+Pioneer+of+Kentucky&qid=1558871429&s=digital-text&sr=1-2

Even Everest Shook: Caught in the Nepal Earthquake 2015

https://www.amazon.com/Even-Everest-Shook-Caught-Earthquake-ebook/dp/B012GVRCC4/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Even+Everest+Shook%3A+Caught+in+the+Nepal+Earthquake+2015&qid=1558871521&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

The Tragic Tale of William Papper (Mike Covell True Crime Book 2)

https://www.amazon.com/Tragic-Tale-William-Papper-ebook/dp/B01N7UTZSB/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=The+Tragic+Tale+of+William+Papper+%28Mike+Covell+True+Crime+Book+2%29&qid=1558871598&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

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Euphemisms for the chronically confused .. pt. 2

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(Probably many from the previous list included here.)

Not pulling a full wagon.

Not the brightest star in the sky.

The light’s on but no one’s home.

Not the brightest bulb in the box.

A few screws short of a hardware store.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

A few cards short of a full deck.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

About as sharp as a marble.

Only has one oar in the water.

Smart as a bag of rocks.

A hamburger short of picnic.

The elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.

A few peas short of a casserole.

A few keys short of a piano.

Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

As smart as a stick.

Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

Has an IQ of room temperature.

Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

Not the sharpest crayon in the box

Not the the sharpest tool in the shed

They are depriving some village of its idiot.

A few threads short of a sweater.

Driveway doesn’t quite reach the road.

The battery is not fully charged.

Dumber than a bag of hammers.

A few bricks short of a full load.

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few beers short of a six-pack.

Dumber than a box of hair.

All foam no beer.

As smart as bait.

Forgot to pay his brain bill.

The antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.

Has a leak in the skylight.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

Not all the soldiers are marching in line.

Dumber than paint.

Half a bubble off plumb.

Donated his brain to science before he was done with it.

A few shades beyond blonde.

A few watts short of a light bulb

Running on 3 cylinders.

Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord.

Would lose a debate with a doorknob.

Has an IQ lower than plant life.

All volume, and no content.

Wouldn’t know if they were on foot or horseback.

The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.

The cheese slid off the cracker.

Doesn’t have all the chairs at the table. .

A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding.

A few pecans short of a fruitcake.

Would argue with a signpost.

If you gave them a penny for thoughts, you’d get change.

Dumb as a salt shaker.

Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states.

Knitting with only one needle.

The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool.

Not the quickest bunny in the forest.

The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn’t been installed.

Not exactly burning all thrusters.

A few colors short of a rainbow.

The boat doesn’t have all the oars in the water.

A few ships short of a fleet.

A monosynaptic cretin (Don’t understand it? ’nuff said)

A few noodles short of a chow mein.

A few bristles short of a broom.

Doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

Hasn’t seen the ball since kickoff.

The relative IQ of a deck chair.

A poster child for birth control.

A few players short of a team.

Couldn’t hit the floor if he fell on it.

A few sheep short of a flock.

Not the brightest light in the harbor.

One plate short of a tea set.

A few kangaroos loose in the top paddock…..

A few slices short of a sandwich…..

A few sausages short of a BBQ

If his IQ was any  lower we’d have to water him.

A few more braincells and he would be a cabbage

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