Jokes and stuff

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“Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect, as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.”

― Albert Einstein

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“All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom.”

― Albert Einstein, Out of My Later Years: The Scientist, Philosopher, and Man Portrayed Through His Own Words

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“I never teach my pupils, I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.”

― Albert Einstein

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What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon?

He was disbarred.

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Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes

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What do you call a dog that throws up in the house?

Homesick!

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What is green and sings?

Elvis Parsley

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How many skunks do you need to empty out a football stadium?

Quite a phew!

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How do bears keep cool in summer?

They have bear conditioning!

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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Honey bee.
Honey bee who?
Honey bee a dear and get me a soda!

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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Roach.
Roach who?
Roach you a letter, did you get it?

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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
A herd.
A herd who?
A herd you were home, so I came over!

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