Jokes and stuff

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 "All is a riddle, and the key to a riddle...is another riddle."      Ralph Waldo Emerson

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   "Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?"  

Rose Kennedy

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You can do anything if you want it bad enough. That is why we see so many
people who can fly by flapping their arms.

(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

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I will be free, even to the uttermost, as I please, in words.

--William Shakespeare The Taming of the Shrew.

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Coach Finstock: There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.

from: Teen Wolf (1985)

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What grows up while growing down?

A goose.

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I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.

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An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

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“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

― Steven Wright

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“Don't Panic.”

― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

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“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”

― Dr. Seuss

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What happened when a man tried to cross a tiger with a sheep?

He had to get a new sheep!

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What do chimps say to baby chimps when they fall over?

Apesy-daisy!

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A piece of string walked into a bar and said "Gimme a beer!" but the bartender said "Get outta here! We don't serve your kind here!"

So the string left, but he was thirsty, and he really wanted a beer, so he messed up his hair real badly and looped himself around until he had tied himself into a knot.

When the string went back into the bar, the bartender looked at him suspiciously and said "Aren't you that worthless piece of string I just threw outta here?"

No, the string replied, "I'm a frayed knot!"

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