Jokes and stuff

.
.
.
"He who fights monsters should see to it that in the process, he does not become a monster. And when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."

 - Nietzsche

==========

"I'm a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it"

— Thomas Jefferson

==============

"Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,
and self-control. To these I commit my day."

~ Max Lucado ~

=======

What do snakes write in valentine cards?

Love and hisses.

===============

What happens if you cross a bear with a skunk?

You get Winnie the Phew -heeey!

======

I told my suitcases there will be no vacation this year, now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

==========

“I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.”

― Demetri Martin

============

Shakespearean Insult of the day ...

 From Lear: "A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition."

===========

When does a baseball player wear armor?

At the knight games!

==========

“Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer.”

― Charles M. Schulz

=========

Have you heard the latest statistic joke yet?

Probably ...

=====================

What is E.T. short for?

So he can fit in his little spaceship.

===========

What does a camel use to become invisible?

Camel-flage!

---------------------------
How do turtles talk to each other?

They use shell phones.

===========

“And certainly, the mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it.”

― George Eliot, Middlemarch

==========

What is a bird’s favorite cookie?

Chocolate chirp

-------------------------------

Why do leopards have a hard time hiding?

Because they are always spotted!

--------------------------------------------

What has wheels and a trunk but no engine?

An elephant on roller skates!
.
.
.