Monday, August 31, 2015

Cleavage of the Day ....

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http://www.geologyin.com/2014/03/cleavage-of-minerals.html#wW9tbhQVo0sg7kLx.99


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Genius Idea of the Day ...

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http://www.boredpanda.com/storytime-rocking-chair-read-books-children-hal-taylor/?image_id=storytime-rocking-chair-read-books-children-hal-taylor-14.jpg


Definitely a guy who is NOT off his rocker!


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Movie Worth Watching of the Day ...

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Knowing (2009)


Director: Alex Proyas


Stars: Nicolas Cage, Chandler Canterbury, Rose Byrne
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"In the fall of 1959, for a time capsule, students draw pictures of life as they imagine it will be in 50 years. Lucinda, an odd child who hears voices, swiftly writes a long string of numbers. In 2009, the capsule is opened; student Caleb Koestler gets Lucinda's "drawing" and his father John, an astrophysicist and grieving widower, takes a look. He discovers dates of disasters over the past 50 years with the number who died. Three dates remain, all coming soon. He investigates, learns of Lucinda, and looks for her family. He fears for his son, who's started to hear voices and who is visited by a silent stranger who shows him a vision of fire and destruction. What's going on?"



Written by j hailey


My comments: I saw this movie back when it first came out and thought it was pretty good, but after watching it a second time I upped my opinion to thinking it was really very good. Interesting blend of SciFi and Biblical references, it doesn't really preach anything but raises some interesting questions about what the heck the trippy parts of the Bible are actually talking about.

Plus it broaches the topic of precognition, my favorite supernatural topic to think about.

Worth watching. Some quite disturbing apocalyptic scenes and other gruesome and mind boggling disasters. I think there might be bad language too, but I saw it on FX Family which takes out most bad language and might have removed other untoward things I don't know about..


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Joke of the Day ...

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After a day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two live brown trout swimming in a bucket. He is approached by a Conservation Officer who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I was not fishing and I did not catch these browns, they are my pets. Every day I come down to the water and dump these fish into the water and take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back. When I'm ready to go I whistle and they jump back into the bucket and we go home."
 
The officer not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the thrashing trout back into the water.

The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will jump out of the water and into the bucket."

The fisherman turns to the officer and says, "What fish?"

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Sunday, August 30, 2015

Joke of the day ...

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A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. The officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!"

The sailor picked up the broom and started to sweep the chain.

Just then, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss.

The bird left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle. The sailor went through the same routine all over again, with the same result.

He couldn't get any cleaning done because he could only sweep at the chain once or twice before the silly bird came back.

When morning came, so did the chief petty officer, to check up on his wayward sailor.

"What on earth have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?" barked the chief.

"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"

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Saturday, August 29, 2015

Joke of the day ...

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One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.

"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"

"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an aesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60."

Looking annoyed the man says, "That's still too expensive!"

"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20."

"Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."

"Well," says the dentist, scratching his head, "if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10."

"Marvelous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday!"


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Friday, August 28, 2015

On the Job ...

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{*_*} - Rules for Work




1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.




2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.




3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.




4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me.  Opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.




5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.




6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.




7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.




8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.




9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.




10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.




11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's nightmare land.




12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.


13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.


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Joke of the Day ...

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Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the driver's window, the driver rolls it down, and the trooper smacks the driver in the head with his night stick.

"Ow!" says the driver. "Why'd you do that?"


The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."


The driver says, "I'm sorry, officer; I'm not from around here."


The trooper writes the guy a ticket and gives his license back, then walks around to the car's passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls the window down, and the trooper smacks him with his night stick.


"Ow!" says the passenger. "What'd you do that for?"


The trooper says, "Just making your wish come true."


"What the heck does that mean?" asks the guy.


"Two miles down the road, you were gonna say, "I wish that no good cop would've tried messing with me!"


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Free Nooks Books of the Week

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For those of you with a Nook or the Nook App ..


Greetings fellow Nookies! Thanks to all who come here and thanks to B&N for their great Nook and the nifty selections for today. Please be sure to check the price before you click "buy" to make sure they are still freebies. (The link for each book is below the title of the book.)
*Also- If you read a book and like it please consider leaving the author a good feedback.


NONFICTION


The Magnificent Horses of Myth by Alton Pryor
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-magnificent-horses-of-myth-alton-pryor/1115275931?ean=2940044506381
Diabetes Diet
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/diabetes-diet-mmorris777/1120938395?ean=2940046271072
Instant Experience For Real Estate Agents
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/instant-experience-for-real-estate-agents-david-a-thyfault/1117704710?ean=2940151964418
How to Bake Dinner Rolls
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/how-to-bake-dinner-rolls-dennis-weaver/1118619028?ean=9781304856043
Gluten Free & Wheat Free Meals
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/gluten-free-wheat-free-meals-for-all-occasions-taster-edition-discover-great-gluten-free-wheat-free-recipes-milly-white/1121805810?ean=2940152155532
Rice Flour Recipes
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/rice-flour-recipes-sarah-stevens/1115457887?ean=2940044553637
Hand Dyes For Sale
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/hand-dyes-for-sale-melissa-j-will/1108076398?ean=2940032923619
Slow Cooker Recipes Complete Boxed Set
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/slow-cooker-recipes-complete-boxed-set-best-tasting-slow-cooker-recipes-speedy-publishing/1121840898?ean=9781633833012
The Complete Guide To Clinical Aromatherapy
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-complete-guide-to-clinical-aromatherapy-and-the-essential-oils-of-the-physical-body-elizabeth-ashley/1120829121?ean=2940046424317
Seven Sacred Sites in the UK
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/seven-sacred-sites-in-the-uk-kate-everson/1107955580?ean=2940032899280
Wanderlust: A Book Club Sampler
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/wanderlust-alice-hoffman/1105177277?ean=9781451667943
Free Will: An Examination of Human Freedom
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/free-will-magnus-vinding/1120065088?ean=2940046500868
DIY Natural Household Cleaners
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/diy-natural-household-cleaners-charity-wilson/1121347327?ean=2940152222715
A Philosophical Examination of Social Justice and Child Poverty
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-philosophical-examination-of-social-justice-and-child-poverty-gottfried-schweiger/1121121205?ean=9781137426031
Strange Things Happen by Stewart Copeland
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/strange-things-happen-stewart-copeland/1103371987?ean=9780007352753
Gluten-Free Recipe Sampler
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/gluten-free-recipe-sampler-vanessa-weisbrod/1120548893?ean=9781460349281
Grandma's Best Quick Breads
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/grandmas-best-quick-breads-marg-ruttan/1120817949?ean=2940046306453
The Rocket Spanish Quick-Start Guide to Spanish Language Learning Success
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-rocket-spanish-quick-start-guide-to-spanish-language-learning-success-rocket-languages/1116157868?ean=2940044653092
10 Quick Fashion Fixes
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/hot-mama-kathi-lipp/1121241125?ean=9781493400157
Juicing Recipes for Rapid Weight Loss
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/juicing-recipes-for-rapid-weight-loss-fat-loss-nation/1121342201?ean=2940046606409
Quinoa Recipes for Rapid Weight Loss
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/quinoa-recipes-for-rapid-weight-loss-fat-loss-nation/1121342200?ean=2940046611779
Easier than Pie: Quick and Simple Recipes
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/easier-than-pie-samantha-armacost/1111902830?ean=9781257337774
Strength Training For Seniors
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/strength-training-for-seniors-the-blokehead/1122070514?ean=2940151953504
Anxiety Cure Workbook: 3 Quick Steps To Stop Anxiety Attacks Now
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/anxiety-cure-workbook-the-blokehead/1121820613?ean=2940151890533


SCIFI/ PARANORMAL/ FANTASY


Unbalanced by Kate Douglas
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/unbalanced-kate-douglas/1103662128?ean=2940045765039
Shan Hai Jing: A Book Covered With Blood
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/shan-hai-jing-kate-bazilevsky/1122471567?ean=2940046143591
It's Better This Way by Travis Hill
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/its-better-this-way-travis-hill/1115446826
Taking Flight by Elena Snowfield
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/taking-flight-elena-snowfield/1120614801?ean=2940046355611
Ryder on the Storm
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/ryder-on-the-storm-emerald-seer-1-violet-patterson/1112041008?ean=2940044676046
Faelorehn by Jenna Elizabeth Johnson
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/faelorehn-book-one-of-the-otherworld-trilogy-jenna-elizabeth-johnson/1110323818?ean=2940033179787
The Final Bet
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-final-bet-gillian-larkin/1119618735?ean=2940152280647
Becoming Human by Eliza Green
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/becoming-human-eliza-green/1114844018?ean=2940044371064


CHRISTIAN


Human Inability
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/human-inability-charles-h-spurgeon-1834-1892/1120320766?ean=9781312472020
The Better Country by Scott Johnson
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-better-country-scott-johnson/1107877966?ean=2940032882800
Fall From Grace
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/fall-from-grace-kelsey-macbride/1121323078?ean=2940151727976
A Story for Grandchildren
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-story-for-grandchildren-g-k-patterson/1105802642?ean=9781257293513
A Woman of Substance
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-woman-of-substance-lilliet-garrison/1120940249?ean=2940046470062
Understanding God Better by Glenn W. Worthington
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/understanding-god-better-glenn-w-worthington/1108487310?ean=2940032998693
Revelation Unveiled by Russell Stendal
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/revelation-unveiled-russell-stendal/1122187446?ean=2940151984454
Ancient Truth: Old Testament History
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/ancient-truth-ed-hurst/1114374184?ean=2940044273740
Holiness and the Human Element
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/holiness-and-the-human-element-h-a-baldwin/1001557892?ean=9780834126350
The Incredible Human Potential
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-incredible-human-potential-herbert-w-armstrong/1117785445?ean=9781304502773
A Quick Jog Through the Bible
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-quick-jog-through-the-bible-timothy-duke/1120259115?ean=9781312393172


ROMANCE


Heat of the Moment by Elle Kennedy
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/heat-of-the-moment-elle-kennedy/1014262180?ean=9781605040455
Neanderthal Seeks Human by Penny Reid
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/neanderthal-seeks-human-penny-reid/1116351661?ean=2940045193061
The Bride and the Brute by Laurel O'Donnell
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-bride-and-the-brute-laurel-odonnell/1107995684?ean=2940032926009
The Rancher Takes a Bride
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-rancher-takes-a-bride-sylvia-mcdaniel/1112755896?ean=2940045057882
Chance Encounter by Nancy Warren
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/chance-encounter-nancy-warren/1119573010?ean=2940045955683
Sweet Reunion by Melanie Shawn
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/sweet-reunion-melanie-shawn/1113839839?ean=2940152189353
The Farmer Takes a Wife by Genevieve Turner
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-farmer-takes-a-wife-genevieve-turner/1121860494?ean=2940152164770
Take Off by Claire Cray
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/take-off-claire-cray/1114304367?ean=2940044256712
From Summer and Fall
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/from-summer-and-fall-alora-kate/1120347243?ean=9781634618298




FICTION/ POETRY




Lady of Devices by Shelley Adina
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/lady-of-devices-a-steampunk-adventure-novel-shelley-adina/1103167286?ean=2940151714563
The Good Morrow
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-good-morrow-richard-patterson/1109753470?ean=2940033097135
A Perfect Madness
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-perfect-madness-frank-h-marsh/1108111466?ean=2940033147052
The God of Small Things
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/god-of-small-things-arundhati-roy/1100396665?ean=9780007383948
Vox Pop by Kate Fox
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/vox-pop-kate-fox/1115566584?ean=2940044565081
Out In The Country
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/out-in-the-country-kate-hewitt/1116058822?ean=2940044628267
Every Little Piece
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/every-little-piece-kate-ashton/1115197332?ean=2940045480277
Waking Kate
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/waking-kate-sarah-addison-allen/1116862950?ean=9781466850491
Prayer Cycle : Protect the Human
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/prayer-cycle-jazan-wild/1115292289?ean=9781304977427




FOREIGN LANGUAGE




Une Semaine De Cuisine Italienne
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/une-semaine-de-cuisine-italienne-claudio-ruggeri/1121763263?ean=2940152158472
Je cuisine les bonbons: bonbons fraise et bonbons banane
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/je-cuisine-les-bonbons-gonzales-esm-ralda-uijttewaal-marie/1114305109?ean=2940044266735
Los corruptores by Jorge Zepeda Patterson
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/los-corruptores-jorge-zepeda-patterson/1116634281?ean=9786070718632
Das konvivialistische Manifest
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/das-konvivialistische-manifest-les-convivialistes/1120945464?ean=9783732828982
So kommen Sie zu einer Kreuzfahrt bei kleinem Budget
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/so-kommen-sie-zu-einer-kreuzfahrt-bei-kleinem-budget-thomas-luchow/1112572200?ean=2940044774636




MYSTERY/ THRILLER




Deadly Reckoning by Marian Jensen
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/deadly-reckoning-marian-jensen/1116762408?ean=2940045228206
The Sound of Footsteps by Diane Patterson
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-sound-of-footsteps-diane-patterson/1119913264?ean=9781941935040
Cruel Justice by M A Comley
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/cruel-justice-mel-comley/1106913089?ean=2940016634388
Deadly Sins: A Dezeray Jackson Mini-Series
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/deadly-sins-kori-miller/1118621087?ean=2940045684743
All Fall Down by Julie Coulter Bellon
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/all-fall-down-julie-coulter-bellon/1113045660?ean=2940044963252
The Diary by Adam Patterson
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-diary-adam-patterson/1108002252?ean=2940032902980
A Cold Dark Place by Toni Anderson
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-cold-dark-place-toni-anderson/1119067965?ean=2940046304305
Human FrailtyMark Bredenbeck
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/human-frailty-a-detective-mike-bridger-novel-mark-bredenbeck/1119573028?ean=2940045254038
Corps Justice Boxed Set
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/corps-justice-boxed-set-c-g-cooper/1119992894?ean=2940045651097
Three Deadly Twins
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/three-deadly-twins-david-a-thyfault/1122161686?ean=2940151992152
Lust, Money & Murder by Mike Wells
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/lust-money-murder-mike-wells/1120385729?ean=2940011386534
Deadly Dancing
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/deadly-dancing-nicolette-pierce/1112316437?ean=2940044720015
Taking the Fall by Laney Monday
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/taking-the-fall-laney-monday/1120683843?ean=2940151668910
Deadly Double by Diane Capri
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/deadly-double-diane-capri/1120037760?ean=2940046289985
Blue Fall  by B. B. Griffith
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/blue-fall-b-b-griffith/1104097550?ean=2940045292443
The Union by Tremayne Johnson
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/union-david-alan-johnson/1103726422?ean=2940046289398
701 by Stephen Johnson
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/701-stephen-johnson/1121702329?ean=2940151853767
The Last Cowboy in the East
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-last-cowboy-in-the-east-kate-dempsey/1105098989?ean=2940011461026
Saving the Truth (Jackson Stone, P.I.)
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/saving-the-truth-e-a-calletti/1122419750?ean=2940152302844
Hamlet On A Budget
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/hamlet-on-a-budget-k-mcconnell/1122431164?ean=2940152066647
Quick by Billy Kring
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/quick-billy-kring/1115835833?ean=2940044588837




COVER ART




Taken: The Alpha's Captive
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/taken-v-m-black/1120728655?ean=2940045959933
Some People Die Quick by JC Simmons
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/some-people-die-quick-j-c-simmons/1004722207?ean=2940033250691




CHILDREN/ YA




A Horse for Kate by Miralee Ferrell
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-horse-for-kate-miralee-ferrell/1119563072?ean=9781434708960


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Thursday, August 27, 2015

Summoning the elements ...

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"High school chemistry class used to be confusing at best. Then I imagined what the elements would be like as characters."




http://www.boredpanda.com/periodic-table-of-elements-character-design-kcd-studios/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=BPFacebook


Really creative!


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Jokes of the day ...

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What do you get if you cross a canary and a 50-foot long snake?
A sing-a-long!

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What do you get if you cross a black dog and a white dog?
A greyhound!

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Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Oh Mickey You're So Fine ...

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Did you know..


Mickey Mouse's original name was Mortimer but Walt Disney's wife convinced him to change it to Mickey?


Mickey Mouse's ears are never in profile?


Walt Disney didn't create Mickey Mouse alone, Ub Iwerks helped him.


Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were never married on screen and never will be?


Mickey Mouse's ears are always 105 degrees apart?


Walt Disney was the first person to voice Mickey Mouse?


Mickey Mouse was introduced on November 18, 1928 in Steamboat Willie?


Mickey Mouse was the first cartoon character to have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?


Mickey Mouse was added to Encyclopedia Britannica in 1934?


The first thing you see at Disneyland and the Magic Kingdom, is Mickey's face in flowers...It takes over 4,500 plants to make Mickey's face. The whole display can take around 7,000 plants.


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I moustache you a question ...

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipdkn-t7Jmg


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Questions of the day ...

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Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why do you drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?

Why is there an "s" in lisp?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

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Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Jokes of the day ...

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What do you find in the middle of dinosaurs?
The letter ‘S’!
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Doctor, doctor, everywhere I look I see a flea spinning in circles!
It’s just a bug that’s been going around!


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Joke of the day ...

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A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seat belt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"


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Monday, August 24, 2015

Joke of the Day ..

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Proverbs


A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs.


She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:-


*As you shall make your bed so shall you......mess it up


*Better be safe than..........................punch a 5th grader


*Strike while the ............................bug is close


*It's always darkest before...................daylight savings time


*You can lead a horse to water but............how?


*Don't bite the hand that.....................looks dirty


*A miss is as good as a.......................Mr.


*You can't teach an old dog new...............math


*If you lie down with the dogs, you'll........stink in the morning


*The pen is mightier than the.................pigs


*An idle mind is..............................the best way to relax


*Where there's smoke, there's.................pollution


*Happy the bride who..........................gets all the presents


*A penny saved is.............................not much


*Two's company, three's.......................the musketeers


*Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and......................................you have to blow your nose


*Children should be seen and not..............spanked or grounded


*When the blind leadeth the blind.............get out of the way


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Sunday, August 23, 2015

Joke of the day ..

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The Pope

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver in New York City notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse a-me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please-a take-a your seat so we can-a leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm-a sorry but I cannot-a let you do that. I'd-a lose-a my job! And what if-a something should-a happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"There might be something extra in it for you, "says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please a- slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm-a gonna lose a my licence," moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need-a to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't a think we wanna do that, he's a-really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean a really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "President?"

Cop: "Bigger"

"Bigger than the President? - ridiculous," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur!!"

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Saturday, August 22, 2015

Joke of the day ...

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A police officer called the station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."


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Friday, August 21, 2015

Joke of the day ...

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Memory Class

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered.

"You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"

"A rose?" asked the neighbor.

"Yes, that's it," replied the old man.

He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"

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