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Balloon animal of the day .....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip2RowKsAKI
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Tuesday, September 30, 2014
UFO video of the day .....
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UFO video of the day ..... (I saw this UFO) .....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13iTN8aswbk
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UFO video of the day ..... (I saw this UFO) .....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13iTN8aswbk
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Dave Barry Quote of the day ....
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“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.”
― Dave Barry
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“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.”
― Dave Barry
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Insight of the day ....
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“A dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest.”
― Johnny Depp
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“A dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest.”
― Johnny Depp
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Chestnut of the day ....
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Q. How do you catch a squirrel?
A. Climb into a tree and act like a nut.
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Q. How do you catch a squirrel?
A. Climb into a tree and act like a nut.
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Monday, September 29, 2014
Quote of the day ....
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“If you think this Universe is bad, you should see some of the others.”
― Philip K. Dick
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“If you think this Universe is bad, you should see some of the others.”
― Philip K. Dick
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Steven Wright quote of the day ...
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“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”
― Steven Wright
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“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”
― Steven Wright
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George Burns quote of the day ...
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“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
― George Burns
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“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
― George Burns
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Disaster joke of the day ....
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What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
And what kind of lettuce?
Iceberg
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What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
And what kind of lettuce?
Iceberg
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Joke of the day ....
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What do you get when you put pictures of the Kings of Russia on a flag?
The Tsar-Spangled Banner.
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What do you get when you put pictures of the Kings of Russia on a flag?
The Tsar-Spangled Banner.
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Sunday, September 28, 2014
Quote of the day .....
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“I should never be left alone with my mind for too long.”
― Libba Bray
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“I should never be left alone with my mind for too long.”
― Libba Bray
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Johnny Depp Quote of the day ...
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“I try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.”
― Johnny Depp
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Steven Wright quote of the day ...
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“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”
― Steven Wright
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“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”
― Steven Wright
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Dave Barry Quote of the day ....
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“When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. ”
― Dave Barry
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“When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. ”
― Dave Barry
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Saturday, September 27, 2014
George Carlin quote of the day .......
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“In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.”
― George Carlin
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“In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.”
― George Carlin
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Quote of the day .....
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“I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters
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“I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters
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Bar joke of the day ....
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Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Get out! We don't want your type in here"
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Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Get out! We don't want your type in here"
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Joke of the day ......
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Including Rudolph, how many reindeer does Santa have? Ten: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph and Olive.
Olive?
Yes, Olive the Other Reindeer.
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Including Rudolph, how many reindeer does Santa have? Ten: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph and Olive.
Olive?
Yes, Olive the Other Reindeer.
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Friday, September 26, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Lily Tomlin quote of the day ...
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“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”
― Lily Tomlin
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“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”
― Lily Tomlin
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Churchill quote of the day ...
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“When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.”
― Winston Churchill
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“When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.”
― Winston Churchill
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George Carlin quote of the day ...
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“Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”
― George Carlin
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“Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”
― George Carlin
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Quote of the day ...
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“I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.”
― Bill Watterson
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“I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.”
― Bill Watterson
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Joke of the day ....
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Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
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Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
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Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Office supply joke of the day ..
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What did the pencil say to the eraser?
Take me to your ruler.
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What did the pencil say to the eraser?
Take me to your ruler.
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Joke of the day ...
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
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Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Work tip of the day ....
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An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.
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An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.
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Joke of the day .....
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There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
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There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
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Riddle of the day ...
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What's a cow eating the grass in front of your home?
A lawn mooer.
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What's a cow eating the grass in front of your home?
A lawn mooer.
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Monday, September 22, 2014
Knock knock joke of the day ....
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I'm telling you this joke?
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I'm telling you this joke?
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Joke of the day ....
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There were two men hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly grabs his chest and collapses. The other calls 911 and says to the operator: "Help, my friend just collapsed, I think he just died." The operator replies, "Ok, don't panic. First, make sure he's dead" There is silence and then a gunshot. The man says to the operator, "Ok, now what?"
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There were two men hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly grabs his chest and collapses. The other calls 911 and says to the operator: "Help, my friend just collapsed, I think he just died." The operator replies, "Ok, don't panic. First, make sure he's dead" There is silence and then a gunshot. The man says to the operator, "Ok, now what?"
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Chestnut of the day ....
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What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner.
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What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner.
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Sunday, September 21, 2014
Last Nerdy Joke of the day ....
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When Einstein got married, his wife told him, "I need two things from you, time and space", to which Einstein replied, "What's the other thing?"
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Tenth Nerdy Joke of the Day ....
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So a man had sodium chloride and a 9 volt in his car. A cop pulled him over, searched him, and charged him with a salt and battery.
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So a man had sodium chloride and a 9 volt in his car. A cop pulled him over, searched him, and charged him with a salt and battery.
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Ninth Nerdy Joke of the Day ...
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Gold asks Zinc out on a date but Zinc says "Sorry, I'm Zn someone else"
Gold replies "Awww!"
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Gold asks Zinc out on a date but Zinc says "Sorry, I'm Zn someone else"
Gold replies "Awww!"
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Eighth Nerdy Joke of the day ....
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How many ears does Spock have?
Three - a right ear, a left ear, and a final front ear.
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Seventh Nerdy Joke of the Day ....
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Helium walks into a bar,
Bartender says we don't serve noble gases here,
Helium doesn't react, then starts to laugh.
He He He
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Helium walks into a bar,
Bartender says we don't serve noble gases here,
Helium doesn't react, then starts to laugh.
He He He
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Sixth Nerdy Joke of the Day ...
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If I was an enzyme, I'd be helicase so I could unzip your genes.
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Literary joke of the day ...
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Why wouldn't Oedipus swear?
Because he kisses his mother with that mouth.
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Fifth Nerdy Joke of the Day ....
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Did you hear about the scientist who read a book about helium? He couldn't put it down.
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Did you hear about the scientist who read a book about helium? He couldn't put it down.
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Fourth Nerdy Joke of the Day ....
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A photon checks into a hotel. The clerk says, "Do you need help with any luggage?" The photon says, "I don't have any. I'm traveling light."
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A photon checks into a hotel. The clerk says, "Do you need help with any luggage?" The photon says, "I don't have any. I'm traveling light."
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Geeky Joke of the day ...
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How many Hogwarts Students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A Gryffindor to volunteer to climb a ladder and change it. A Slytherin to try and knock him off the ladder. A Hufflepuff to scold the Slytherin and make sure the ladder stays sturdy and a Ravenclaw to point out they could have just used a spell.
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How many Hogwarts Students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A Gryffindor to volunteer to climb a ladder and change it. A Slytherin to try and knock him off the ladder. A Hufflepuff to scold the Slytherin and make sure the ladder stays sturdy and a Ravenclaw to point out they could have just used a spell.
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Chestnut of the day ....
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Why did the cookie go the doctor?
Because he was feeling crummy.
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Why did the cookie go the doctor?
Because he was feeling crummy.
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Third Nerdy Joke of the Day ....
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What do you call a measuring cup that just finished school?
A graduated cylinder.
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What do you call a measuring cup that just finished school?
A graduated cylinder.
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Second Nerdy Joke of the Day ...
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Sodium went to a pool party and it really blew up from there.
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Sodium went to a pool party and it really blew up from there.
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Nerdy Joke of the Day ....
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A neutrino walks into a bar.
The bartender says, " We don´t serve neutrinos."
The neutrino shrugs and replies: "Oh well, I was just passing through anyway."
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A neutrino walks into a bar.
The bartender says, " We don´t serve neutrinos."
The neutrino shrugs and replies: "Oh well, I was just passing through anyway."
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Saturday, September 20, 2014
Quote of the day .....
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“The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies.”
― Neil Gaiman
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“The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies.”
― Neil Gaiman
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Insight of the day ....
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“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
― Groucho Marx
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“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
― Groucho Marx
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Plan of the day ....
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“Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face.”
― Jarod Kintz,
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“Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face.”
― Jarod Kintz,
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Mushroom joke of the day ...
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Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fungi.
Why did he leave the party?
Because there wasn't mushroom.
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Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fungi.
Why did he leave the party?
Because there wasn't mushroom.
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Joke of the day .....
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There was an older couple that went to the doctor together.
The husband went in first and told the doctor "I'm worried about my wife. I think she's loosing her hearing, but I don't want to get her upset about it. What can I do to find out how bad her hearing is?"
The doctor said "Well, when you go home ask her something from a distance. Find out if she can hear you. Get a little bit closer, ask her again, see if she can hear you. And then let me know how close you have to be to her for her to finally hear you and then I can determine how bad her hearing is."
That evening they were home and the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner.
The husband stood in the living room and asks "Honey, what's for dinner?"
No reaction, she's still cooking.
He gets a little bit closer, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no reaction.
He gets to the kitchen doorway. He asks her again, in a louder voice this time. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still, no reaction.
He comes up right behind her and says again. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She turns around and says, "For heavens sake! Meatloaf, green beans and boiled potatoes, I told you four times already!"
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There was an older couple that went to the doctor together.
The husband went in first and told the doctor "I'm worried about my wife. I think she's loosing her hearing, but I don't want to get her upset about it. What can I do to find out how bad her hearing is?"
The doctor said "Well, when you go home ask her something from a distance. Find out if she can hear you. Get a little bit closer, ask her again, see if she can hear you. And then let me know how close you have to be to her for her to finally hear you and then I can determine how bad her hearing is."
That evening they were home and the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner.
The husband stood in the living room and asks "Honey, what's for dinner?"
No reaction, she's still cooking.
He gets a little bit closer, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no reaction.
He gets to the kitchen doorway. He asks her again, in a louder voice this time. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still, no reaction.
He comes up right behind her and says again. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She turns around and says, "For heavens sake! Meatloaf, green beans and boiled potatoes, I told you four times already!"
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Friday, September 19, 2014
Quote of the day ...
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“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.”
― Winston Churchill
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“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.”
― Winston Churchill
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Joke of the day .....
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A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
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A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
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Thursday, September 18, 2014
Grammar joke of the day ....
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She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
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She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
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Accident of the day ...
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What happened to the man who ran through a screen door?
He strained himself.
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What happened to the man who ran through a screen door?
He strained himself.
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Wednesday, September 17, 2014
.Pet owner video of the day .....
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Pet owner video of the day .....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W-bbqGiPfc
part 2 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsxvK1sIjSM
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Pet owner video of the day .....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W-bbqGiPfc
part 2 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsxvK1sIjSM
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Brilliant idea of the day ...
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“I've always thought people would find a lot more pleasure in their routines if they burst into song at significant moments.”
― John Barrowman
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“I've always thought people would find a lot more pleasure in their routines if they burst into song at significant moments.”
― John Barrowman
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Presidential Quote of the day ...
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“I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.”
― Ronald Reagan
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“I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.”
― Ronald Reagan
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Quote of the day ....
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“One of the world's most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because people always answer "a deck of cards" or "Anna Karenina" when the obvious answer is "a well equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.”
― Lemony Snicket
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“One of the world's most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because people always answer "a deck of cards" or "Anna Karenina" when the obvious answer is "a well equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.”
― Lemony Snicket
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Lily Tomlin Quote of the day ...
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“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”
― Lily Tomlin
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“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”
― Lily Tomlin
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Joke of the day ........
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This duck walks into a drug store and asks for Chapstick.
"Four bucks," says the clerk.
"Put it on my bill," replies the duck.
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This duck walks into a drug store and asks for Chapstick.
"Four bucks," says the clerk.
"Put it on my bill," replies the duck.
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Criminal joke of the day ....
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They arrested the bartender for taking liquor home. I believe the official charge was "emboozlement."
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They arrested the bartender for taking liquor home. I believe the official charge was "emboozlement."
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Monday, September 15, 2014
Fairytale joke of the day ...
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Why was Cinderella kicked off the basket ball team?
She ran away from the ball.
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Why was Cinderella kicked off the basket ball team?
She ran away from the ball.
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Knock knock joke of the day ...
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2: Knock knock.
1: Who's there?
2: Doctor
1: Doctor who?
2: (◐‿◑)
1: Who's there?
2: Doctor
1: Doctor who?
2: (◐‿◑)
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Hip joke of the day .....
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Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.
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Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.
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Equine joke of the day ....
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What do you call a dissenting group of horses?
Neigh-sayers.
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What do you call a dissenting group of horses?
Neigh-sayers.
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Entertainment joke of the day .....
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Have you heard about the movie "Constipated"?
Well, I haven't seen it cause it hasn't come out yet!
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Have you heard about the movie "Constipated"?
Well, I haven't seen it cause it hasn't come out yet!
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Sunday, September 14, 2014
Interesting word of the day ...
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Quarantine comes from the French "qarante" for 40. Whenever a ship arriving in port was suspected of being infected it had to forego contact with the shore for a period of about 40 days.
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Quarantine comes from the French "qarante" for 40. Whenever a ship arriving in port was suspected of being infected it had to forego contact with the shore for a period of about 40 days.
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Saturday, September 13, 2014
Quote of the day ....
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“We have now left Reason and Sanity Junction. Next stop, Looneyville.”
― Jim Butcher
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“We have now left Reason and Sanity Junction. Next stop, Looneyville.”
― Jim Butcher
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Frank Zappa quote of the day ...
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“Definition of rock journalism: People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, in order to prepare articles for people who can't read.”
― Frank Zappa
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“Definition of rock journalism: People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, in order to prepare articles for people who can't read.”
― Frank Zappa
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Political quote of the day ....
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“Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?”
― Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment
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“Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?”
― Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment
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Fashion quote of the day ....
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“Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts”
― Jim Morrison
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“Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts”
― Jim Morrison
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Geometry joke of the day ....
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How many sides does a circle have?
Two: an inside and an outside.
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How many sides does a circle have?
Two: an inside and an outside.
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Relationship joke of the day ....
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What did the chimpanzee say when his sister had a baby?
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.
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What did the chimpanzee say when his sister had a baby?
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.
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Joke of the day ....
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There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Friday, September 12, 2014
.ASMR video of the day ....
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ASMR video of the day ....(you will need headphones or earbuds) ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMs-VIbc_48
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ASMR video of the day ....(you will need headphones or earbuds) ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMs-VIbc_48
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Philosophical quote of the day ....
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“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”
― Bill Watterson
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“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”
― Bill Watterson
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Quote of the day ...
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“You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”
― Jon Stewart
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“You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”
― Jon Stewart
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Some things never change ....
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“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”
― Socrates
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“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”
― Socrates
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Woody Allen quote of the day ....
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“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”
― Woody Allen
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“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”
― Woody Allen
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Preseason Joke of the day ...
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What is the difference between a knight and Santa's reindeer? One slays the dragon and the other is draggin' the sleigh.
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What is the difference between a knight and Santa's reindeer? One slays the dragon and the other is draggin' the sleigh.
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Thursday, September 11, 2014
Steven Wright quote of the day ....
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“When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.”
― Steven Wright
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“When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.”
― Steven Wright
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Philosophical quote of the day ...
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“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”
― Winston Churchill
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“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”
― Winston Churchill
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Housekeeping quote of the day ...
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“You must admit I have a right to live in a pigsty if I want.”
― Diana Wynne Jones
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“You must admit I have a right to live in a pigsty if I want.”
― Diana Wynne Jones
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Quote of the day ...
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“I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.”
― Rudyard Kipling
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“I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.”
― Rudyard Kipling
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Joke of the day ....
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What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
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What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
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Medical tip of the day ...
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What time is it when it is time to go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty. (2:30)
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What time is it when it is time to go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty. (2:30)
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Scientific revelation of the day ....
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The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
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The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
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Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Quote of the day .....
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“Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning
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“Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning
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Philosophical Quote of the day ...
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“What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.”
― Douglas Adams, The Original Hitchhiker Radio Scripts
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“What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.”
― Douglas Adams, The Original Hitchhiker Radio Scripts
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Political quote of the day ...
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“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
― Abraham Lincoln
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“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
― Abraham Lincoln
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Tuesday, September 9, 2014
.ASMR video of the day .... ...
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ASMR video of the day .... (you will need earphones or ear buds) ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8guIAlDXDk
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ASMR video of the day .... (you will need earphones or ear buds) ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8guIAlDXDk
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Advice of the day ....
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Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.
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Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.
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Quote of the day .....
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“A goal without a plan is just a wish.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
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“A goal without a plan is just a wish.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
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Philosophy of the day ....
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“Life is a journey. Time is a river. The door is ajar”
― Jim Butcher, Dead Beat
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“Life is a journey. Time is a river. The door is ajar”
― Jim Butcher, Dead Beat
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Monday, September 8, 2014
.ASMR video of the day .....
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ASMR video of the day (you will need headphones or ear buds) ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Q-kTJiMN2I
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ASMR video of the day (you will need headphones or ear buds) ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Q-kTJiMN2I
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Thrifty quote of the day ....
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“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”
― Jarod Kintz
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“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”
― Jarod Kintz
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Punctuation joke of the day ....
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What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma has a pause at the end of its clause.
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What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma has a pause at the end of its clause.
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Joke of the day .....
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Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
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Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
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Sunday, September 7, 2014
George Carlin Quote of the day ....
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“I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.”
― George Carlin
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“I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.”
― George Carlin
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Quote of the day ....
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“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
― Mark Twain
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“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
― Mark Twain
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Surprising quote of the day ....
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“I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking”
― Albert Einstein
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“I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking”
― Albert Einstein
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Good news of the day ....
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The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
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The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
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Saturday, September 6, 2014
Travel tip of the day ...
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“A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.”
― Lemony Snicket
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“A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.”
― Lemony Snicket
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Quote of the day ...
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“My kids are starting to notice I'm a little different from the other dads. "Why don't you have a straight job like everyone else?" they asked me the other day.
I told them this story:
In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, "Look at me...I'm tall, and I'm straight, and I'm handsome. Look at you...you're all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you." And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said, "Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest." So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day.”
― Tom Waits
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“My kids are starting to notice I'm a little different from the other dads. "Why don't you have a straight job like everyone else?" they asked me the other day.
I told them this story:
In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, "Look at me...I'm tall, and I'm straight, and I'm handsome. Look at you...you're all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you." And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said, "Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest." So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day.”
― Tom Waits
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Legal joke of the day ....
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What do you get when you pour cement on a burglar? A hardened criminal.
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What do you get when you pour cement on a burglar? A hardened criminal.
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Joke of the day .....
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Friday, September 5, 2014
.ASMR video of the day ......
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ASMR video of the day (you will need headphones or earbuds) ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytlppD2KfsE
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ASMR video of the day (you will need headphones or earbuds) ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytlppD2KfsE
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Quote of the day .....
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“If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping
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“If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping
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Blessing of the day ....
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“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
― George Carlin
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“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
― George Carlin
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Scientific observation of the day ....
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“People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.”
― Steven Moffat
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“People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.”
― Steven Moffat
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Hybrid of the day .....
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What would you get if you crossed a donkey with an owl? A smart ass which knows it all.
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What would you get if you crossed a donkey with an owl? A smart ass which knows it all.
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Gripe of the day .....
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I'm really starting to hate these stupid little stacking Russian Dolls. They're so full of themselves.
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I'm really starting to hate these stupid little stacking Russian Dolls. They're so full of themselves.
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Joke of the day .....
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What is the difference between a unicorn and lettuce? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
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What is the difference between a unicorn and lettuce? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
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Thursday, September 4, 2014
.ASMR video of the day .....
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ASMR video of the day (you will need earphones or ear buds ) .....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJqJSvZDqss
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ASMR video of the day (you will need earphones or ear buds ) .....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJqJSvZDqss
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Quote of the Day ....
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“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”
― Ellen DeGeneres
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“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”
― Ellen DeGeneres
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Strange desire of the day ....
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“I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want
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“I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want
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Good Advice of the Day ....
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“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”
― Orson Welles
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“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”
― Orson Welles
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Alice Quote of the day ....
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“Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said. 'One can't believe impossible things.'
"I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes the shawl again!”
― Lewis Carroll
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“Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said. 'One can't believe impossible things.'
"I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes the shawl again!”
― Lewis Carroll
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Joke of the day ....
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What would you get if you crossed a pigeon and a general? A military coo.
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What would you get if you crossed a pigeon and a general? A military coo.
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Wednesday, September 3, 2014
.ASMR video of the day (my favorite) .....
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ASMR video of the day (my favorite) .....you will need headphones or earbuds ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tez4Y04By-g
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ASMR video of the day (my favorite) .....you will need headphones or earbuds ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tez4Y04By-g
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Sports joke of the day .....
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Two criminals with clubs went golfing, but they didn't play the fairway.
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Two criminals with clubs went golfing, but they didn't play the fairway.
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Joke of the day ....
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Once upon a time, a tribe of cannibals caught a doctor sent to them as a health provider and ate him. He was very tender and tasty, yet they were all violently sick afterwards. It shows that you can't keep a good man down.
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Once upon a time, a tribe of cannibals caught a doctor sent to them as a health provider and ate him. He was very tender and tasty, yet they were all violently sick afterwards. It shows that you can't keep a good man down.
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Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Question of the day ....
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“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
― George Carlin
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“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
― George Carlin
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Preference of the day ....
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“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
― Steve Martin
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“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
― Steve Martin
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Quote of the day ....
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“I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it.”
― Charles M. Schulz
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“I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it.”
― Charles M. Schulz
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Economic fact of the day ....
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A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
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A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
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Joke of the day .....
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Sir Lancelot once had a very bad dream about his horse. It was a knight mare.
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Sir Lancelot once had a very bad dream about his horse. It was a knight mare.
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Monday, September 1, 2014
Art Quote of the day ....
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“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
― Robert Benchley
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“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
― Robert Benchley
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Quote of the day ....
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“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.”
― George Carlin
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“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.”
― George Carlin
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Joke of the day ....
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A bear walked into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer .......................... and some of those peanuts." The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"
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A bear walked into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer .......................... and some of those peanuts." The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"
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