Jokes and stuff

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“Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.”

― Steven Wright

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

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A baseball walks into a bar, and the bartender throws it out.

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Hackers in Hollywood movies are phenomenal; all they need to do is: "c:\> hack" to get into the FBI

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"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you."

- Peace Pilgrim

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A Slower Pace - Poem by Mark Bratlie

Quick, quick, hurry, hurry
time is passing with a flurry

Things to do, no time to linger
life is caught up in a wringer

But whoa, whoa, let's slow the pace
life need not be an all-out race

What of life's gifts that pass on by
as treasures lost to make one cry

Seasons' colors and nature's beauty
ask for time for us to see

A slower pace allows some focus
as life's wonders beg for notice

A leaf, a cloud, a summer shower
a rainbow's arc, a full moon's power

A child's giggle, a lover's sigh
a sweet embrace, a refreshing cry

An open mind, a relaxing breath
a calm acceptance of life and death

The invitation is ours to ponder
as we focus on a life of wonder

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"Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me NOW!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how."

— Dr. Seuss

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"If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now."

— Jarod Kintz

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"Forever is composed of nows."

— Emily Dickinson

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I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

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A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

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I used to be a butler, but found the work wasn't my cup of tea.

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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, I can't put it down.

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My therapist says I seem to be hell-bent on vengeance ............. we'll see about that.

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I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

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“There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.”

― Tom Robbins

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Dorian Gray jokes, they never get old!

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“The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.”

― Murphy's Law

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“Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.”

― Ellen DeGeneres

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