Jokes and stuff

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What do you find in the middle of dinosaurs?

The letter ‘S’!

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A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seat belt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.

"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

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"Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.

Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend."

— Bruce Lee

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"Everything happens for a reason, but that doesn't mean there's a point."

— Sue Grafton (C is for Corpse)

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An expert farmer is outstanding in his field.

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The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

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What's the longest piece of furniture in the world?

The multiplication table.

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What's the biggest room in the world?

The room for improvement.

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Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.

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“If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?”

― Steven Wright

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Where does a bee sit?

On his bee-hind!

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What has 18 legs and catches flies?

A baseball team!

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Why are cats good at video games?

Because they have nine lives!

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Why did the bee get married?

He found his honey!

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Why did Johnny bring his skunk to school?

For show-and-smell!

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How do you make a milk shake?

Scare it!

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