Jokes and stuff

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Proverbs

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs.

She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:-
*As you shall make your bed so shall you......mess it up

*Better be safe than..........................punch a 5th grader
*Strike while the ............................bug is close
*It's always darkest before...................daylight savings time
*You can lead a horse to water but............how?
*Don't bite the hand that.....................looks dirty
*A miss is as good as a.......................Mr.
*You can't teach an old dog new...............math
*If you lie down with the dogs, you'll........stink in the morning
*The pen is mightier than the.................pigs
*An idle mind is..............................the best way to relax
*Where there's smoke, there's.................pollution
*Happy the bride who..........................gets all the presents
*A penny saved is.............................not much
*Two's company, three's.......................the musketeers
*Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and......................................you have to blow your nose
*Children should be seen and not..............spanked or grounded
*When the blind leadeth the blind.............get out of the way

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 A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful  woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The woman says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet,turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. 

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" 

The woman turns the can around so the man can read the label

 It says..

 "Hair Spray -

Restores life to dead hair,

 and adds permanent wave."

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Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.

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A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

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Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

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