Jokes and stuff

.
.
.
Which Star Wars’ character gradually disappeared?

Darth Fader!

========================

Which planet in the solar system did the alien crash land on?

Splaturn!

==========

“Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.”

― Terry Pratchett

=========

“Cross-country skiing is fine as long as you live in a small country.”

― Steven Wright

==========

“If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?”

― Steven Wright

===========

"Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor."

— Thích Nhất Hạnh

=========

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

=========

I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.

==========

What city has the largest cute rodent population?

Hamsterdam.

===========

Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.

==========

“Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them.”

― Dick Francis

=========

Why wasn't the kitten playing?

Because he was on paws.

=========

“When you're the only sane person, you look like the only insane person.”

― Criss Jami

===========

How do you fix a broken tuba?

With a tuba glue.

========

A Mystic goes to a hotdog stand and says make me one with everything.

============
Message from friend to friend -

Well, I'm in the hospital. 😩 This has not been a good day. After spending the last 5 months quarantined inside the house, limited contact with my family or friends since March ......enough is enough.

So I decided to go for a horseback ride with a good friend. 😘 Something I haven't done for a long time. It turned out to be a horrible mistake! I got on the horse and I started out slowly, but then it got crazy windy. I went faster and faster and before I knew it, I was going as fast as that horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off but caught my pants on the stirrup. I was being dragged and was bouncing all over the place. The horse just would not stop!

Thankfully the manager at Dollar General came running out and unplugged the machine. Then he actually had the nerve to take the rest of my quarters and my bottle of Vodka, so I wouldn't try to ride the damn fire truck or clown car. 🙄

I have a few scrapes and bruises but nothing's broken. I will wear a helmet next time.

How many of you actually read what I wrote? If you did, copy and paste for someone else to get a laugh! We certainly need a little humor these days!!!!
Lighten up, it's still going to be a long ride, a, road, anyway, buckle up, if you're reading this, you're probably still well.

===============
..
.
.