Jokes and stuff

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~~~Reader's Bill of Rights ~~~

1) to read anything, at any time

2) to read anywhere, in any position

3) to read without intrusion

4) to move your lips while you read

5) to read as slowly as you like

6) to read several books at one time

7) to underline favorite passages

8) to ignore literary critics

9) to skip pages or chapters

10) to read the last chapter first

11) to stop reading in the middle

12) to read a book over and over again

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Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

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"I am the lover of uncontained and immortal beauty. In the wilderness, I find something more dear and connate than in streets or villages. In the tranquil landscape, and especially in the distant line of the horizon, man beholds somewhat as beautiful as his own nature."

— Ralph Waldo Emerson (Nature and Selected Essays)

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"I'm going to enjoy every second, and I'm going to know I'm enjoying it while I'm enjoying it."

— Jean Webster

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"I love libraries. I love books. There is something sacred, I think, about a great library because it represents the preservation of the wisdom, the learning, the pondering, of men and women of all the ages accumulated together under one roof to which we can have access as our needs require."

— Gordon B. Hinckley

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How do you make antifreeze?

Steal her blanket.

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I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried it for a spell.

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