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What do you get if you cross a canary and a 50-foot long snake?
A sing-a-long!
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Doctor, doctor, everywhere I look I see an insect spinning in circles!
It’s just a bug that’s going around!
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What do you get if you cross a black dog and a white dog?
A greyhound!
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"The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position."
— Leo Buscaglia
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"If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden."
— Frances Hodgson Burnett (The Secret Garden)
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“I went down to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours. He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.”
― Steven Wright
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"All of us are subjected to somebody else's power at some point. So once in a while you have to kiss up to someone. So what? Either you make your peace with that early, or you end up living your life as a crank and a misfit."
— Sue Grafton
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How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
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When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
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A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
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Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
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What did the policeman say to the bad popsicle?
Freeze!
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Why did the boy throw butter out the window?
He wanted to see a butter-fly!
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What food stays hot no matter how cold it gets?
A pepper!
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Why is honey so hard to find in Boston?
Because there is only one B in Boston!
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“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.”
― Criss Jami
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