Jokes and stuff

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Memory Class

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered.

"You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"

"A rose?" asked the neighbor.

"Yes, that's it," replied the old man.

He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"

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"Ghosts don't haunt us. That's not how it works. They're present among us because we won't let go of them."

— Sue Grafton (M is for Malice)

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"I read a book one day and my whole life was changed."

— Orhan Pamuk

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"Books are the plane, and the train, and the road. They are the destination, and the journey. They are home."

— Anna Quindlen (How Reading Changed My Life)

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"No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally – and often far more – worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond."

— C.S. Lewis

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What's a chimney sweep's most common ailment? The flue.

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What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

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Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers.

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Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.

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Why are meteorologists always nervous?

Their future is always up in the air.

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Why did the chicken get in big trouble with his mom?

Because he used fowl language!

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Where does a shark go on vacation?

Fin-land!

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“We're lost, but we're making good time.”

― Yogi Berra

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What’s the difference between a fly and a bird?

A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird!

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Why did the flies go to Paris?

Because they wanted to be French flies!

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What has wheels and a trunk but no engine?

An elephant on roller skates!

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Why do elephants never get rich?

Because they work for peanuts!

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Why are fish so easy to weigh?

Because they come with their own scales!

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