Sunday, August 23, 2020

Jokes and stuff

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"A few said they'd be horses. Most said they'd be some sort of cat. My friend said she'd like to come back as a porcupine. I don't like crowds, she said. "

— Brian Andreas

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“How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?”

― Steven Wright

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"There's a certain class of people who will do you in and then remain completely mystified by the depth of your pain."

— Sue Grafton ( E is for Evidence )

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“We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.”

― H.L. Mencken, Minority Report

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What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!

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 Why don’t Boston crows ever get hit by cars?

Because one is always in a tree yelling a warning ... “caw caw”!

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What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

 A dino-snore!

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What kind of animal says zzzzub?

A bee flying backwards!

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What do cats call their grandfather?

Grandpaw!

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What do cows listen to?

Moo-sic!

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How do bees brush their hair?

With a honey comb!

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What do you do with a sick wasp?

Take it to a waspital!

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What do you call a sick eagle?

Ill-eagle!

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 Why was the baby ant so confused?

Because all of her uncles were ants.

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