Jokes and stuff

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I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda.

It was a Fanta Sea.

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Where does a bee sit?

On his bee-hind!

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What has 18 legs and catches flies?

A baseball team!

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Why are cats good at video games?

Because they have nine lives!


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“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”

― Steven Wright

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Why did the Pilgrims come over on the Mayflower?

Because it was too far to swim.

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In which state does the Mississippi river flow?

The liquid state.

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My wife's mother asked me to pick up some ORGANIC vegetables for her from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any.

So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my mother in law. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."

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Doppler, Heisenberg and Schrodinger were driving together when a cop pulls them over. The cop asks, "Do you realize you just ran a red light?" Doppler pipes up, "It appeared green relative to where I was."

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“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

― Albert Einstein

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“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

― Albert Einstein

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“If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.”

― Albert Einstein

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