Jokes and stuff

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Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Beef!
Beef who?
Before I get cold, you’d better let me in!

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Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Wooden shoe!
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?

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Knock, knock!
Who’s There?
Boo!
Boo Who?
Well you don't have to cry about it.

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Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Cher!
Cher who?
Cher would be nice if you opened the door!

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and / or doesn't.

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"If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?" 

— Steven Wright

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"We may be only one of millions of advanced civilizations. Unfortunately, space being spacious, the average distance between any two of these civilizations is reckoned to be at least two hundred light-years, which is a great deal more than merely saying it makes it sound. 

It means for a start that even if these beings know we are here and are somehow able to see us in their telescopes, they're watching light that left Earth two hundred years ago. 

So, they're not seeing you and me. They're watching the French Revolution and Thomas Jefferson and people in silk stockings and powdered wigs--people who don't know what an atom is, or a gene, and who make their electricity by rubbing a rod of amber with a piece of fur and think that's quite a trick. 

Any message we receive from them is likely to begin "Dear Sire," and congratulate us on the handsomeness of our horses and our mastery of whale oil. Two hundred light-years is a distance so far beyond us as to be, well, just beyond us." 

— Bill Bryson (A Short History of Nearly Everything)

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How do you make Holy water?

You boil the h*** out of it.

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Tunisian Sweet Potato & Chickpea Stew

Ingredients:

1/3 cup water
1 onion, chopped
1-2 fresh chilies, seeded and finely chopped (optional)
2 tsp minced fresh ginger
1 clove minced fresh garlic
1½ tsp ground cumin
¼ tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp smoked or regular paprika
1 tsp ground coriander
3 small sweet potatoes (kumera), peeled and chopped
2 8 oz. cans diced tomatoes (no added salt) or diced fresh plum tomatoes because I avoid canned food.
2 8 oz cans chick peas, drained and rinsed or 2 cups cooked chickpeas because I avoid canned food.
1 cup green beans cut small - frozen organic ones are fine
1½ cups water, chick pea cooking liquid or vegetable cooking water
¼ cup organic smooth peanut butter
6 cups chopped stemmed kale or chard
¼ cup chopped fresh coriander or 1 1/2 tsp ground coriander

Method:

Place the water, onion, chilies, ginger and garlic in a large pot. Cook, stirring occasionally for 5 minutes.

Add cumin, cinnamon, paprika and coriander. Cook for 1 minute, stirring constantly.

Add sweet potatoes, tomatoes, chick peas, green beans, vegetable broth and peanut butter.

Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer, covered, for 20-25 minutes.

Add kale or chard and continue cooking until its wilted but not overcooked. Stir in fresh coriander or 1 1/2 tsp ground coriander and let rest for 2 minutes.

Squeeze lemon over it right before serving.
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