Jokes and stuff

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“A true genius admits that they know nothing.”

― Albert Einstein

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“From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that we are here for the sake of each other - above all for those upon whose smile and well-being our own happiness depends, and also for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day I realize how much my own outer and inner life is built upon the labors of my fellow men, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.”

― Albert Einstein

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“It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.”

― Albert Einstein

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I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

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“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

― Steven Wright

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Q: What did the mushroom say to the fungus?

A: You're a fun guy [fungi].

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Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours?

A: Nacho cheese!

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“I am a librarian. I discovered me in the library. I went to find me in the library. Before I fell in love with libraries, I was just a six-year-old boy. The library fueled all of my curiosities, from dinosaurs to ancient Egypt. When I graduated from high school in 1938, I began going to the library three nights a week. I did this every week for almost ten years and finally, in 1947, around the time I got married, I figured I was done. So I graduated from the library when I was twenty-seven. I discovered that the library is the real school.”

― Ray Bradbury

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“A person on foot, on horseback or on a bicycle will see more, feel more, enjoy more in one mile than the motorized tourists can in a hundred miles.”

― Edward Abbey, Desert Solitaire

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Where is a baboon’s favorite fruit?

Ape-ricots!

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What apes always come back no matter how hard you throw them?

Baboon-erangs!

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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Dozen anybody want to let me in?

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Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Will you marry me?

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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, It’s overflowing!

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Q: Why did the road crew smear peanut butter on the road?

A: To go with the traffic jam!

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