Jokes and stuff

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“The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.”

― Albert Einstein

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“Everything must be made as simple as possible. But not simpler.”

― Albert Einstein

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“Black holes are where God divided by zero.”

― Albert Einstein

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“If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut”

― Albert Einstein

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Kate smirked.

"What?"

"Your horse looks pink."

"So?"

"If you paste some stars on her rear you'll be riding My Little Pony."

"Bug off." I patted the mare's neck. "Don't listen to her, Sugar. You are the cutest horsey ever. The correct name for her color is strawberry roan, by the way."

"Strawberry Shortcake, more like it. Does Strawberry Shortcake know you stole her horse? She will be berry, berry angry with you."

I looked at her from under half-lowered eyelids. "I can shoot you right here, on this road, and nobody will ever find your body.”

― Ilona Andrews, Gunmetal Magic

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Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?

A: Because you can see right through them.

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Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?

A: He wanted to go to high school.”

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“Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A: Lettuce
Q: Lettuce who?
A: Lettuce in, it's freezing out here..

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Q: Which dog can jump higher than a building?

A: Any dog – Buildings can’t jump!

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Q: Why was the man running around his bed?

A: He wanted to catch up on his sleep.

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What do cheerleaders drink before a basketball game?

Root beer

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Why can't the bicycle stand up on its own?

Because it's two tired.

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“I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.”

― Steven Wright

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