Jokes of the day

.
.
.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.

=========

What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.

=========

What goes up and down but can't move?

Stairs

=================

Knock Knock

Who's there?

A pear.

A pear who?

A-pear-antly your doorbell is broken!

=============

(^_^) - In Happened in the Men's Locker Room

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man answers it, engaging the loudspeaker function as he does so. Everyone in the room stops to listen to the conversation.

"Hey babe, I'm at the city center mall now and I found this gorgeous leather coat. It's only $1,000. Can I buy it?" asks the woman at the other end.

"Sure, if you like it then go ahead!" replies the man.

"I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2016 models. There's one I LOVE and it's $98,000," the woman continues.

"Okay, go ahead and buy it. Just make sure it comes with all the options for that price though," the man says.

Pushing her luck even further, the woman asks: "Do you remember that house I wanted last year? Well, it's back on the market for $980,000..."

"Make an offer of $900,000 - they'll probably accept it. Go to $950,000 if you think it's a really good price for the house," the man replies.

"Okay honey, see you later! I love you so much - you're so good to me," the woman says.

"You're worth it. Goodbye dear," replies the man, and hangs up the call.

By this point, the men in the room are aghast, mouths wide open.

The man says: "Hey guys, does anyone know whose phone this is?"

==========

“No one is perfect - that’s why pencils have erasers.”

===========

In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to begin a new direction.

.
.
.