Jokes of the day

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What does a nosey pepper do?
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Be jalapeño business.

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Why was the frog waiting for the bus?
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His car got toad.

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What the fish say when he hit his head on the wall?
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Dam

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What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
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An investigator

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How did the Pillsbury Doughboy die?
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Yeast Infection

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Why couldn't the bike stand up?"
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"It was too tired"

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What does a grape say when it gets stepped on?
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Nothing.. it just WINES.

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What did one ocean say to the other?
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Nothing, it just waved.

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What do vegetarian zombies eat?
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GRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAINS!

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Why did the teacher wear sun glasses?
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Because the students were very bright!

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Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?
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Because he had a hole in 1

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The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.... it was tense

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Why did the boy take his phone to the dentist?
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Because the phone had bluetooth!

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Mama mouse and baby mouse are walking by a barn at twilight. The baby mouse looks up and sees a bat darting overhead. "Look, Momma!" the baby mouse says, "An angel!"

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What did the ghost teacher say to his class?

Take a look at the board and I'll go through it again.

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What did the skeleton bring to the BBQ?

Spare ribs

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Wife: I feel like I look old today. Can you please give me a compliment to brighten up my day?

Husband: You have excellent eyesight.

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Husband: Hello 911? I think my wife is about to give birth, I don’t what to do!

911 Operator: Is this her first child?

Husband: No, this is her husband.

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Hey did you see the latest film about a hot dog vendor? I hear it was an Oscar Weiner.

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My brother has a band called 999 Megabytes. Unfortunately, they haven’t had a Gig yet.

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Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, "Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here."

Helium doesn’t react.

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Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.

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There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

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