Jokes and stuff

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A duck and a chicken were standing by the side of the road.

The duck started to cross the road but the chicken stopped him.

"Don't do it," the chicken said, "You'll never hear the end of it."

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"When someone gives me either a democratic or republican pamphlet, I throw it out. I’m a librarian! We only take book donations."

— Bauvard

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"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love – for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment is it perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world."

— Max Ehrmann (Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life)

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Why don't they play music at the skeleton church?

Because they have no organs.

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What's a spirit's favorite ride at the amusement park?

The roller ghoster.

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I went to the mall looking for camouflage pants. Seems like they’re hard to find!

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Teacher: Mark, did your mom help you with your homework?

Mark: No Miss McMillan, she did it all by herself.

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Girlfriend: Am I the first woman you ever loved?

Boyfriend: Of course! Why do all girls ask me the same question?

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur that’s great with its vocabulary?

A: A thesaurus.


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