Jokes and stuff

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I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

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I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

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How can you guarantee straight A's?

Use a ruler!

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To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!

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What do you get if you fire a bullet into a tree with no leaves? A cartridge in a bare tree.

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Did you know that Japan's flag is also a pie chart showing  how much of Japan is Japan?

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Did you ever try blindfolded archery? You don't know what you're missing.

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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

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Don't run with bagpipes.

You could put an aye out.

Or worse, you could get kilt.

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(Walking in forest with a friend)

Me: Oh look! There's a wolf!

Friend : Where?

Me: No,  the regular kind

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Here's  some advice:  If you ever feel cold, go stand in a corner, they're about 90 degrees.

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"Night falls. Or has fallen. Why is it that night falls, instead of rising, like the dawn? Yet if you look east, at sunset, you can see night rising, not falling; darkness lifting into the sky, up from the horizon, like a black sun behind cloud cover. Like smoke from an unseen fire, a line of fire just below the horizon, brushfire or a burning city. Maybe night falls because it’s heavy, a thick curtain pulled up over the eyes. Wool blanket." 

— Margaret Atwood (The Handmaid's Tale)

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Bad writing of the Day - Another "winner" in the Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest:

As he finished off the last of his bourbon, Sidney realized that he was in for another evening of dancing rodents and flying elephants; God, how he hated working the night shift at Disney Studios.


James Dainis, Manhasset, NY

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