Jokes of the day

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Patient: Doctor, please help me. I can’t stop my hands from shaking!

Doctor: Do you drink a lot of alcohol?

Patient: No, I usually spill most of it.

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Patient to a Doctor Doctor, please help me. I swallowed a whole cube of ice last night and it still hasn’t come out!

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Waitress: Sorry to have kept you waiting, Sir.

Customer: Did you know that the floor contains 245,786 tiles?

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Q: Do you know the difference between a cellphone and a classroom of eight year olds?

A: The cellphone has a silent setting.

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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hay Lettuce.
Hay Lettuce who?
Hay Lettuce come in; it’s so cold out here!

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"Do you see yonder cloud that’s almost in shape of a camel?

Polonius: By the mass, and ‘tis like a camel, indeed.

Hamlet: Methinks it is like a weasel.

Polonius: It is backed like a weasel.

Hamlet: Or like a whale?

Polonius: Very like a whale."

— William Shakespeare (Hamlet)

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Q - What kind of doctor treats ducks?

A - A quack!

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How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?

Just one if it's long enough!

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Why did the child study in the aeroplane?

He wanted a higher education!

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Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?

Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!

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Why do birds fly south in the winter?

Because it's too far to walk!

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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Groucho Marx
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