Jokes and stuff

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Bad writing of the Day - Another "winner" in the Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest:

With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.

Alice A. Hall, Ft. Wayne, IN

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"Some regard private enterprise as if it were a predatory tiger to be shot. Others look upon it as a cow that they can milk. Only a handful see it for what it really is--the strong horse that pulls the whole cart." 

— Winston Churchill

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"Librarians consider free access to information the foundation of democracy." 

— Marilyn Johnson (This Book Is Overdue!: How Librarians and Cybrarians Can Save Us All)

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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little money, can you loan me some?

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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Adore.
Adore who?
Adore is between us. Open up!

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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
The interrupting cow.
The interru…
MOOOOO!!!!

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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You’re very welcome.

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Crooks robbed the local bank. They took all the Bill's but left all the coins behind. It was a cents less crime.

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A spokesperson for the U.S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots.

On one side of the coin would be Teddy Roosevelt and on the other side, Nathan Hale.

Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the spokesman replied, "Now, when you toss a coin you can simply call.... 'Ted's or Hale's'.

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A young boy swallowed several pennies and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

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Father says "Johnny will you be good ?"

Son says "Sure dad for quarter. "

Dad says, "For a quarter?". Son, when I was your age, I was good for nothing."

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