Jokes of the day

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I grew up with Bob Hope, Steve Jobs and Johnny Cash. Now there's no jobs, no cash and no hope. Please please don't let anything happen to Kevin Bacon.


Do you know anything about the Dead Sea?

I didn’t even know it was sick.

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Charlie orders a large sized pizza. The personnel ask if he should cut the pizza into 4 or 8 pieces. Charlie says, "4 slices pleases. I would never be able to eat 8 slices of a pizza."

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The teacher asked "Why is the language spoken by us at home called our mother tongue and not our father tongue?"

The student answered, "Because my father rarely gets to speak it?"

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James: Did I tell you about the time when I faced a real tiger?

Tom: No. What happened?

James: He stared right into my eyes and roared.

Tom: What happened then?

James: I moved onto the next cage.

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Before you judge a person walk a mile in his shoes After that — Well, who cares! He is a mile away and you have got his shoes.

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The teacher asked the students "Write a short essay about which book has helped you the most?"

The shortest essay: My parent's check book"

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What did the evil hen lay?

Deviled eggs

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What was the result of the silkworm race?

It ended in a tie.

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I heard Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was all, like, O Mg!!

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I'm too old to drop it like it's hot ... I'm just going to sit down like it's warm.

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"Beauty fades, dumb is forever."

— Judy Sheindlin ( Judge Judy)

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"Teachers are to inspire; librarians are to fulfill."

— Ray Bradbury

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