Jokes of the day ..

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All mushrooms are edible. Some are edible only once.

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“ I nearly got an A today in school!”

“How do you mean ‘nearly’?”

“The girl sitting next to me got it.”

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A peach is like an apple wearing a sweater.

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A competition was held for the weirdest names. The winner was Firstplace.

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“ My girlfriend told me she’s going to leave me because I love poker more than her. I think she’s bluffing!”

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What does a mouse say when it sees a bat?

“Look, a guardian angel!”

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Three blind physicists lived together in a house. One day an old old elephant escaped from the zoo, wandered into the physicists living room, and, alas, died of old age. When the physicists tried to walk through the room, they discovered that something was blocking them. They began to feel around to discover what this thing was.

The first physicist touched the tip of the elephants tail and felt it. "This is a rope we have here!" he declared.

The second physicist also grabbed the tip of the elephants tail and said. "I agree with my learned colleague, this is indeed a rope."

The third physicist felt around and stroked the elephants tail. "I concur! This is a rope." he proclaimed.

The three physicists decided to publish a paper about their findings. They called it "rope theory".

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What does a duck do when it flies upside down?

It quacks up.

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How do you stop a charging hippo?

Take away his credit card.

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"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."

— Dave Barry

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"You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It's their mistake, not my failing."

— Richard P. Feynman

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"What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again."

— Suzanne Collins

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"Librarians possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on this green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth breather there is."

— Garrison Keillor

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"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help."

— Bill Watterson

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One of my favorite jokes:


Did you hear about the homeopathist that tried to commit suicide? He took 1/50,000th a lethal dose.

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