Jokes of the day

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What do you call horses that go out in the dark?

Nightmares

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What's the penguin's favorite relative?

Aunt Arctica

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Have you heard the one about the sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium.

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Why did Mozart give away all of his chickens?

He asked them who the best composer was, and they all said "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Where does the general keep his armies?

Up his sleevies

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What did the snail tell the police about the accident after it was hit by a turtle?

"I don't know ... it all happened so fast!"

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What did 25 pennies say to 50 pennies?

Together we make a lot of cents!

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.

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"The closest you will ever come in this life to an orderly universe is a good library." 

— Ashleigh Brilliant

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"Welfare can give you money but it cannot give you job experience that will move you ahead economically."

~ Thomas Sowell 

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