Jokes of the day

.
.
.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

=======

"Do not let thorns in your side become nails in your coffin".

-Bruce Richard Bundy

==============

Charles Dickens is suffering from a terrible case of writer's block. He goes to the local pub and orders a martini.

The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

==============

Where do cows go on a Saturday night?

The Moo-vies.

=================

A man took his pet zebra out to run errands with him for the day. It was a very hot day, and the zebra grew thirsty and tired.

They went into a cafe to get a drink and cool off. The zebra lay down on the floor.

The waiter came over and angrily said, “Hey, what's that lyin' on the floor?”

The man replied, “That's not a lion, it's a zebra.”

==============

(^-^) - Daffynitions

Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney buh-lo'-nee: Where some hemlines fall.

Bernadette burn'-a-det: The act of torching a mortgage.

Burglarize bur'-gler-ize: What a crook sees with.

Control kon-trol': A short, ugly inmate.

Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Eclipse i-klips': what an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper i'-drop-ur: a clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes hee'-rhos: what a guy in a boat does.

Left Bank left' bangk': what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

Misty mis'-tee: How golfers create divots.

Paradox par'-u-doks: two physicians.

Parasites par'-uh-sites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Pharmacist farm'-uh-sist: a helper on the farm.

Polarize po'-lur-ize: what penguins in Antarctica see with.

Primate pri'-mat: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

Relief ree-leef': what trees do in the spring.

Rubberneck rub'-er-nek: what you do to relax your wife.

Seamstress seem'-stres: describes 200 pounds in a size two.

Selfish sel'-fish: what the owner of a seafood store does.

Subdued sub-dood': a guy, that works on one of those submarines.

Sudafed sood'-a-fed: bringing litigation against a government official

==============

"'Entitlement' is not only the opposite of achievement, it undermines incentives to do all the hard work that leads to achievement."

~ Thomas Sowell

.
.
.