Jokes and stuff

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A couple of new hires for a construction company drove the company pickup truck into a lumberyard. The youngest of the two walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

 The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

 The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

 "All right. How long do you need them?"

 The new guy paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

 After a while, the new guy returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

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“Writing is a consequence of having been 'haunted' by material. Why this is, no one knows.” 

― Joyce Carol Oates

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Question: What kind of candle burns longer , a red candle or a green candle?

Neither, candles burn shorter.

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Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? 

Answer: Snowflakes!

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Question: What is the fear of Santa Claus called? 

Answer: Claus-trophobia!  

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What type of coffee do vampires prefer?

Decoffinated!

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