Jokes and stuff

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🐱 🐈 Cats 🐈 🐱

"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - -Dave Platt 

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." --Bruce Graham 

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." --Unknown 

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." --Anonymous 

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow." --Jeff Valdez 

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." -- English proverb 

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." -- Ellen Perry Berkeley 

"One cat just leads to another." --Ernest Hemmingway 

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." --Mary Bly 

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." --Joseph Wood Krutch 

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." --Faith Resnick 

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." --Anonymous 

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." --Hippolyte Taine 

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown 

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." --Albert Schweitzer 

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." -- Ernest Menaul 

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God." 

"Time spent with cats is never wasted." --Colette 

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." --Missy Dizick 

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." --Colonial American proverb 

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." --Joseph Wood Krutch 

"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic" 

"My husband said it was either him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes." 

"Dogs have owners....cats have a staff".

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“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” 

― Steven Wright

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“The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.” 

― Terry Pratchett

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“It has often been said

there’s so much to be read,

you never can cram

all those words in your head.

So the writer who breeds

more words than he needs

is making a chore

for the reader who reads.

That's why my belief is

the briefer the brief is,

the greater the sigh

of the reader's relief is.

And that's why your books

have such power and strength.

You publish with shorth!

(Shorth is better than length.)” 

― Dr. Seuss

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Why did the boy throw his clock out of the window? 

Because he wanted to see time fly!

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“How long is forever?

Sometimes just one second”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

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