Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Jokes and stuff

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The streets were dark with something more than night ... 

Raymond Chandler

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I got a bag of candy for my brother! 

What a great swap! 

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I had a lovely dream last night; I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow! 

This morning I can’t find my pillow anywhere!

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I Opened a Book

I opened a book and in I strode

Now nobody can find me.

I've left my chair, my house, my road,

My town and my world behind me.

I'm wearing the cloak, I've slipped on the ring,

I've swallowed the magic potion.

I've fought with a dragon, dined with a king

And dived in a bottomless ocean.

I opened a book and made some friends.

I shared their tears and laughter

And followed their road with its bumps and bends

To the happily ever after.

I finished my book and out I came.

The cloak can no longer hide me.

My chair and my house are just the same,

But I have a book inside me.

Julia Donaldson

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“It is harder to crack prejudice than an atom.”

― Albert Einstein

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“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” 

― Rodney Dangerfield

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“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?” 

― Steven Wright

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“I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep.” 

― Jarod Kintz

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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages? 

Because they had so many knights.

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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke... It'll come back to me.

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Why was the sand wet?

Because the seaweed. (The sea wee'd)

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“Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle!”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland


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