Jokes and stuff

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What do cows like on their hot dogs?

Moo-stard!

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What do cows like to eat for lunch?

Moo-shroom soup!

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Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.

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“A goal without a plan is just a wish.”

― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

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“Life is a journey. Time is a river. The door is ajar”

― Jim Butcher, Dead Beat

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“I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.”

― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

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I used to be a road digger, but I got re-trenched.

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I used to be a nun, but I got expelled because of my dirty habits.

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Where did Noah keep his bees?

In the ark hives.

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What did the alien dandelion say to the Earth dandelion?

"Take me to your weeder!"

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You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

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How can a leopard change his spots?

By moving.

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I used to be a train driver but I got sidetracked.

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