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What do elephants do at night?
Watch ele-vision!
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What do elephants do with cannon balls?
Use them as marbles!
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“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”
― Bill Watterson
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“I quote others only in order the better to express myself.”
― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays
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“I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' said Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
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“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”
― Socrates
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“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”
― Woody Allen
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“Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.”
― Marcus Tullius Cicero
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A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
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When a clock is still hungry, it goes back four seconds.
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What is the difference between a knight and Santa's reindeer? One slays the dragon and the other is draggin' the sleigh.
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Some river valleys are absolutely gorges.
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What does a spy do when he gets cold?
He goes undercover.
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