Jokes and stuff

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What do you get when you put pictures of the Kings of Russia on a flag? 

The Tsar-Spangled Banner.

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A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home.

When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home.

He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers cannot and do not lie. So, he had an idea. He sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of the children. He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the Real Estate Agent.

He liked one of the homes and the agent asked : "How many children do you have ?" 

He answered : "12 children".

The agent asked "Where are the others ?"

The lawyer answered, with a sad look, "They are in the cemetery with their mother".

And that's the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.

MORAL : It is not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words.

Lawyers don't lie ...they are creative ....

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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”

― George Burns

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“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.” 

― Steven Wright

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“If you think this Universe is bad, you should see some of the others.” 

― Philip K. Dick

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I used to be a baker, but I didn't make enough dough.

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What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? 

Sanka. 

And what kind of lettuce? 

Iceberg

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A horse is a very stable animal.

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