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Doctor: Have you been drinking fluids?
Patient: Gee, Doc, that's literally all I drink.
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Ed (to his neighbor Fred): How are you? Last week I saw you sitting on your lawn mower crying your eyes out.
Fred: Oh that, I was just going through a rough patch.
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Cop #1: Are those guys still saying they didn't rob the glue factory?
Cop #2: Yup, they're sticking to their guns!
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