Sookie's Birthday Surprise: February 2017

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Jokes of the Day ....

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Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
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What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny....
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Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They are always stuffed!
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Where do polar bears vote?
The North Pole
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What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
Ouch!

Monday, February 27, 2017

Jokes of the Day ...

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What do you call a cat between two buildings?
An alley cat
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Who is a copycat’s best friend?
A mockingbird...
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Why did Mike’s mom feed him in the barn?
Because he ate like a horse
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Why is it good to have two heads?
Just in case you want to change your mind
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What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
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How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
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Sunday, February 26, 2017

Jokes of the Day ....

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What kind of ant is good at maths?
An accountAnt
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How do you shoot two killer bees?
With a bee bee gun ...
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Where do eggplants come from?
Chicken plants
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What kind of fish do you eat with peanut butter?
Jellyfish
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Why does a flamingo stand on one leg?
Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Joke of the Day ....

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Did you take a bath last night?
No. Is there one missing?
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What did one hammer say to the other?
“I broke a nail”
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Songs in the night?

Sure there are songs - howls, chirps, squeaks. The wind blowing through the leaves. Some nights I can even hear the music of the stars and the hum of the moon. It's a werewolf a go go.

...... Riven Flow - "The Tale of the Shifter"

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Friday, February 24, 2017

B&N Free Friday Book ....

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Free Friday Selection:

Murder at the Courthouse

https://bookclubs.barnesandnoble.com/external-link.jspa?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.barnesandnoble.com%2Fw%2Fmurder-at-the-courthouse-a-h-gabhart%2F1122707361%3Fean%3D9781493401222

Also:

The Perfume of the Lady in Black

https://bookclubs.barnesandnoble.com/external-link.jspa?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.barnesandnoble.com%2Fw%2Fthe-perfume-of-the-lady-in-black-gaston-leroux%2F1000817126%3Fean%3D9781497648661

The Unique Hamlet

https://bookclubs.barnesandnoble.com/external-link.jspa?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.barnesandnoble.com%2Fw%2Fthe-unique-hamlet-vincent-starrett%2F1113226253%3Fean%3D9781497691032

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Free Friday Nook Books ....

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Jokes of the Day ....

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Where do private eye chickens come from?
Hard-boiled eggs.
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What do you call a monkey that makes potato chips?
A CHIPmonk
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What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An egg roll.
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Chickens rise when the rooster crows, but when do ducks get up?
At the quack of dawn
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An Investigator
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Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Free Nook Books....

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Free at posting:

Chase of the Golden Plate

https://bookclubs.barnesandnoble.com/external-link.jspa?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.barnesandnoble.com%2Fw%2Fchase-of-the-golden-plate-jacques-futrelle%2F1102030826%3Fean%3D9781504021142

Triplanetary

https://bookclubs.barnesandnoble.com/external-link.jspa?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.barnesandnoble.com%2Fw%2Ftriplanetary-e-e-smith%2F1100069231%3Fean%3D9781480476974

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Free Nook Book ...

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Free at posting:

Solitary: A Novel

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/solitary-travis-thrasher/1100121859?utm_source=David+C+Cook+Books&utm_campaign=d70dcc2eef-EMAIL_Solitary_2017_02_21&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c11f100010-d70dcc2eef-307694205&ct=t(DCC_BOOKS_Solitary_2017_02_21)&mc_cid=d70dcc2eef&mc_eid=4393d93758

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Joke of the Day ....

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What do you find in the middle of nowhere?
The letter “h” !
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Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold!
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Thought of the Day ...

"Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor."
— Thích Nhất Hạnh (Stepping into Freedom: Rules of Monastic Practice for Novices)

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Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Free Nook Book ...

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Free at time of posting:

Life in the Iron Mills

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/life-in-the-iron-mills-rebecca-harding-davis/1100743124?ean=9781497691100

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Free Nook Book ...

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Free at time of posting:

The Story of Dan Bright: Crime, Corruption and Injustice in the Crescent City

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-story-of-dan-bright-dan-bright/1124397386?ean=9781608011308

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Joke of the Day ...

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A man asked, "In what aisle would I find the Newfy sausage?"

The shop assistant asks, "Are you from Newfoundland?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something, - €œIf I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"

The shop assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Newfy sausage, why did you ask me if I'm from Newfoundland?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Hardware."

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Monday, February 20, 2017

Free Nook Book ...

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Free At Posting:

The Haunted House: A True Ghost Story

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/haunted-house-a-true-ghost-story-walter-hubbell/1100801829?ean=9781497679351

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Joke of the Day ....

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(^_^) - The Greatest Golf Ball

First golfer: "I have the greatest golf ball in the world. You can'€™t lose it."

Second golfer: "How so?"

First golfer: "If you hit it into the sand, it beeps. You hit it into the water, it floats. If you want to play golf at night it glows."

Second golfer: "Hey, sounds good. Where did you get it?"

First golfer: "I found it in the woods."

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Sunday, February 19, 2017

Joke of the Day .....

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(^_^) - Breakfast Order

A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning.

"I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it's runny, and the other so over cooked, it's tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze, so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm."

"That's a complicated order, sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult."

The guest replied, "Oh, but that's what you gave me yesterday!"

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Jokes of the Day ....

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What do you get when you mix a black dog with a white dog?
A greyhound
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Why was the cat scared of the tree?
Because of its bark
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What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m changing!
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What did the summer say to the spring?
Help, I’m going to fall!
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"Be a rainbow in someone else's cloud."
— Maya Angelou
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Friday, February 17, 2017

Free Friday B&N Nook Book ....

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Free Friday B&N Nook Book ....

Heiress

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/heiress-janet-dailey/1102956738?ean=9781497615823

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Free Friday Nook Books for February 17, 2017

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Joke of the Day .....

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One of my very favorite jokes:

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^_^) - Long Cold Winter

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
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Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "We're sure it's going to be cold because the Indians are collecting firewood like crazy!"

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Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Jokes of the Day ...

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Joe- What you doing?
Sam -I am writing a letter.
Joe- To whom?
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Sam - To me.
Joe -And what are you writing about?
Sam- I don't know. I haven't received it yet.
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Teacher: How do you age a goldfish?
Student: Take out the "g".
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Teacher: What do you call a famous fish?
Student: A Starfish.
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Mom asks Julie: What are you doing?
Julie (sounding guilty) - Nothing!
Mom- And what is your brother doing?
Julie- He's helping me.
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A man arrives to his destination in a cab.
"That will be $35.00," the taxi driver tells him.
"Could you back up about ten blocks? I only have $30.00 on me."
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The Mama Match warned her children, "And whatever you do, don't scratch your head!"
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Do you want me to tell you a joke backwards?
Well, start laughing!

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Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Jokes of the Day ....

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What goes up but never comes down?
Your age!
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What is an eight letter word that has only one letter in it?
An envelope!
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Teacher: “Do you listen to your father or your mother more?”
Pupil: “My mother.”
Teacher: “Why?”
Pupil: “Because she talks more.”
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First shepherd: “How many sheep do you have?”
Second shepherd: “I have no idea! Whenever I start to count them, I fall asleep.”
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Two fishes are watching TV. The next show starts, a show on fishing.
The first fish says, “Oh no, they’re playing horror movies again!”
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Baby bear: “Someone has been eating my porridge!”
Daddy bear: “And someone has been eating my porridge!”
Mommy bear: “Wait you two, I haven’t made the porridge yet!”
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Monday, February 13, 2017

Information of the Day ....

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(

^_^) - Names for Various Animal Groups

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a
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Herd of cows,
Flock of chickens,
School of fish
And a Gaggle of geese, and
A Pride of lions.
However, less widely known is:
A Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens),
An Exaltation of doves

Now consider a group of Baboons.
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive of all primates ...

And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

Believe it or not

A CONGRESS !

YEP... A CONGRESS OF BABOONS!

Pretty much explains everything doesn't it?

... You just can't make this up.

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Jokes of the Day ....

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The teacher asks Harry: "What is the closest, Australia or the moon?"
Harry, "The moon of course!"
Teacher, "Why do you think that?"
Harry, " You can see the moon from here, but not Australia!"
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A father asks his son, "So, did you like your first day of school?"
Son, "The first day?’ You mean I have to go back tomorrow?"
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Harry comes home from school and says proudly, " Mom I learned to write!"
Mom, "And what you write Harry?"
Harry, "I don't know, I haven't learned to read."
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The teacher asks Harry, " Harry, you have 14 potatoes and you have to give the same share to seven people, how do you do that?
Harry, "I would make mashed potatoes."
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Sunday, February 12, 2017

Advice of the Day ...

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1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3.. There are two theories to arguing with a woman . Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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Saturday, February 11, 2017

Joke of the Day ....

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Apolitical Aphorisms

If God wanted us to vote, he would
have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~
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The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the
great ones to public office
~Aesop~

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there
wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev~

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
~Author unknown~

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy
some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling
the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952~

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~

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