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Jack goes to a buddy's bachelor party, indulges in too much booze, and wakes up in his own bed with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. He doesn't even remember going home.
The first thing he sees is a single rose on the bedside table and a note from his wife: "Dear, breakfast is ready. I've gone shopping to make your favorite dinner tonight." Confused, he stumbles downstairs and sure enough, there's breakfast.
"Joe" he says to his college age son, "what happened ...last night?"
Joe replies, "A taxi brought you home. You were totally soused. You got that black eye tripping over a chair."
"So why a rose, breakfast, and a sweet note from your mother?"
"Oh, that. Mom and I helped you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you fought and screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!"
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“I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.”
― George Carlin
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“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
― Mark Twain
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“I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking”
― Albert Einstein
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When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
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The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
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What is the difference between one yard and two yards?
A fence
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A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
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A male snake charmer married a female undertaker. Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse".
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“I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir,' said Alice, 'Because I'm not myself you see.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass
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