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What do dolphins get from sharks?
As far away as possible!
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What do ducks do when their babies are ill?
Send them to the duck-tor!
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“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”
― Woody Allen
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“Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning
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“What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.”
― Douglas Adams, The Original Hitchhiker Radio Scripts
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“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
― Abraham Lincoln
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“I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
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When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
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A lawyer asked his dentist to give him a retainer.
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What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block
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They arrested the barber for running a clip joint.
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A plateau is a high form of flattery.
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Stockings give women a run for their money.
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You can't have everything... where would you put it? ~Steven Wright
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