Jokes and stuff

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How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Rottweiler: Just try and make me do it!

Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff: Screw it in yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...

Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.

Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs - people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb

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What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?

A walkie-talkie!

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What do you get if you cross a chicken and a cement mixer?

A brick layer!

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“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”

― Ellen DeGeneres

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“I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.”

― Jarod Kintz, I Want

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“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”

― Orson Welles

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What would you get if you crossed a pigeon and a general?

A military coo.

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Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

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It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.

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What goes "Ha, ha, ha, plop"?

A man laughing his head off.
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