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Pious Man
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him.
He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"
The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
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“Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while”
― Groucho Marx
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“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.”
― Winston Churchill
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Knock knock
Who's there?
Howard
Howard who?
How-ward I know
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Knock knock
who's there?
ice cream
ice cream who?
ice cream and ice cream until you open the door
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Q. Why are ghosts bad at hiding items behind their back?
A. Because you can see right through them.
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Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.
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Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because its faster than walking.
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A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
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What did the dog say to the tree?
Bark.
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Why did the pair of shoes go to Heaven?
They had good soles!
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How hot was Princess Leia's bath water?
It was luke-warm.
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What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
WA-TA!
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“Why it's simply impassible!
Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?
Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass
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