Jokes and stuff

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Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

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You can easily tell if an ant is male or female. Put it in water, if it sinks it's a girl. If it floats it's buoyant.

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September Midnight - Sarah Teasdale

Lyric night of the lingering Indian Summer,
Shadowy fields that are scentless but full of singing,
Never a bird, but the passionless chant of insects,
 Ceaseless, insistent.

The grasshopper's horn, and far-off, high in the maples,
The wheel of a locust leisurely grinding the silence
Under a moon waning and worn, broken,
 Tired with summer.

Let me remember you, voices of little insects,
Weeds in the moonlight, fields that are tangled with asters,
Let me remember, soon will the winter be on us,
 Snow-hushed and heavy.

Over my soul murmur your mute benediction,
While I gaze, O fields that rest after harvest,
As those who part look long in the eyes they lean to,
 Lest they forget them.

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Rigorous Exercise Routine

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

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"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

~ Aesop ~

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“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”

― George Carlin

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“If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.”

― Albert Einstein

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“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”

― Steve Martin

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Why does lightning shock people?

Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.

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Sir Lancelot once had a very bad dream about his horse. It was a knight mare.

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