IF YOU EAT A PICKLE

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IF YOU EAT A PICKLE

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If you eat a pickle, or if you ate one yesterday

This affects me not at all

You can eat a pickle anytime anywhere

And my life will go on normally

Unless I have been brainwashed since birth

To think of pickles as evil, an abomination

Tools of Satan to lure unwary innocents

To the road to ruin

Then I will be offended if I see a pickle

I will be outraged if mention of pickles is within my hearing

I will judge pickle eaters as unworthy 

I will suspect my neighbor of secretly eating pickles

In the privacy of their home

And condemn anyone who stops in the pickle aisle

As minions of societal collapse. 

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