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I have a story about a huge grey animal with big ears, but it's irrelephant.
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Friday, October 31, 2014
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Halloween jokes of the day ....
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What kind of jeans do ghosts wear?
Boo Jeans.
What room doesn't a ghost need?
A living room.
What kind of key does a ghost use?
A spooky.
Why are there fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
Is that you coffin?
What is a mummy's favorite type of music?
Rap music.
What do you call a witch that likes the beach but is afraid of water?
A chicken sand witch.
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What kind of jeans do ghosts wear?
Boo Jeans.
What room doesn't a ghost need?
A living room.
What kind of key does a ghost use?
A spooky.
Why are there fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
Is that you coffin?
What is a mummy's favorite type of music?
Rap music.
What do you call a witch that likes the beach but is afraid of water?
A chicken sand witch.
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Chestnut of the day .....
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Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
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Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
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Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Joke of the day ......
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two; one to change the light bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two; one to change the light bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.
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Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Halloween joke of the day ....
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Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to (spooky voice) *the other side*.
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Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to (spooky voice) *the other side*.
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Joke of the day ......
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of red, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later Holmes woke up, nudged his faithful friend and said, "Watson, I want you to look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."
Sherlock said, "And what does that tell you?"
After a minute or so of pondering Watson said, "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Metereologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day today. What does it tell you?"
Sherlock paused, then sighed. "My friend, it tells me that someone stole our tent."
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of red, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later Holmes woke up, nudged his faithful friend and said, "Watson, I want you to look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."
Sherlock said, "And what does that tell you?"
After a minute or so of pondering Watson said, "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Metereologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day today. What does it tell you?"
Sherlock paused, then sighed. "My friend, it tells me that someone stole our tent."
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Monday, October 27, 2014
Joke of the day .....
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There was an older couple that went to the doctors together. The husband went in first and told the doctor "I'm worried about my wife. I think she's loosing her hearing, but I don't want to get her upset about it. What can I do to find out how bad her hearing is?"
The doctor said "Well, when you go home ask her something from a distance. Find out if she can hear you. Get a little bit closer, ask her again, see if she can hear you. And then let me know how close you have to be to her for her to finally hear you and then I can determine how bad her hearing is."
That evening they were home and the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner.
The husband stood in the living room and asks "Honey, what's for dinner?"
No reaction, she's still cooking.
He gets a little bit closer, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no reaction.
He gets to the kitchen doorway. He asks her again in a louder voice this time. "Honey, whats for dinner?"
Still, no reaction.
He comes up right behind her and says again. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She turns around and says, "For heavens sake! Meatloaf, green beans and boiled potatoes, I told you four times already!"
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There was an older couple that went to the doctors together. The husband went in first and told the doctor "I'm worried about my wife. I think she's loosing her hearing, but I don't want to get her upset about it. What can I do to find out how bad her hearing is?"
The doctor said "Well, when you go home ask her something from a distance. Find out if she can hear you. Get a little bit closer, ask her again, see if she can hear you. And then let me know how close you have to be to her for her to finally hear you and then I can determine how bad her hearing is."
That evening they were home and the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner.
The husband stood in the living room and asks "Honey, what's for dinner?"
No reaction, she's still cooking.
He gets a little bit closer, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no reaction.
He gets to the kitchen doorway. He asks her again in a louder voice this time. "Honey, whats for dinner?"
Still, no reaction.
He comes up right behind her and says again. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She turns around and says, "For heavens sake! Meatloaf, green beans and boiled potatoes, I told you four times already!"
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Quote of the day .....
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“Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them.”
― Dick Francis
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“Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them.”
― Dick Francis
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Sunday, October 26, 2014
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Quote of the day .....
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“When you're the only sane person, you look like the only insane person.”
― Criss Jami
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“When you're the only sane person, you look like the only insane person.”
― Criss Jami
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Chestnut of the day ....
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A Buddhist monk goes to a hotdog stand and says make me one with everything.
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A Buddhist monk goes to a hotdog stand and says make me one with everything.
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Joke of the day ....
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Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side.
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Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side.
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Friday, October 24, 2014
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Einstein joke of the day ....
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks... Does Boston stop at this train?
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks... Does Boston stop at this train?
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Pirate joke of the day ....
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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Joke of the day ....
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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Wednesday, October 22, 2014
.Crystal helper of the day ...
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Crystal helper of the day ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UidaB5aBHAM&list=UU5xKAjwDubUUE3Xl9jjMZDA
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Crystal helper of the day ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UidaB5aBHAM&list=UU5xKAjwDubUUE3Xl9jjMZDA
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.Reptilian shape shifter video of the day ...
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Reptilian shape shifter video of the day ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Te2TBS8JQpM
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Reptilian shape shifter video of the day ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Te2TBS8JQpM
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Explanation of the day ....
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“You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.”
― Albert Einstein
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“You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.”
― Albert Einstein
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Joke of the day .....
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music.
Mt. Rushmore. They're a rock group (it's a rock...group)
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music.
Mt. Rushmore. They're a rock group (it's a rock...group)
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Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Shopping tip of the day ....
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“Because sometimes you just have to dance like a madman in the Self-Help section of your local bookstore.”
― David Levithan
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“Because sometimes you just have to dance like a madman in the Self-Help section of your local bookstore.”
― David Levithan
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Quote of the day .....
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“Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!
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“Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!
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Definition of the day ....
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“Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.”
― Ambrose Bierce
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“Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.”
― Ambrose Bierce
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Joke of the day ....
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That girl said she knew me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never seen herbivore. [her before]
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That girl said she knew me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never seen herbivore. [her before]
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Nerdy joke of the day ....
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak even though it was a little Chewie.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak even though it was a little Chewie.
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Clerical joke of the day ....
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After the pastor ate too many beans he sat in his own pew.
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After the pastor ate too many beans he sat in his own pew.
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Musical joke of the day ...
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What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Ba Na Na Naaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
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What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Ba Na Na Naaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
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Monday, October 20, 2014
Rodney Dangerfield quote of the day ....
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“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
― Rodney Dangerfield
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“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
― Rodney Dangerfield
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Steven Wright quote of the day ....
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“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”
― Steven Wright
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“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”
― Steven Wright
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Jarod Kintz quote of the day ..
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“I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep.”
― Jarod Kintz
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“I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep.”
― Jarod Kintz
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Chestnut of the day .....
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?
Because they had so many knights
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?
Because they had so many knights
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Sunday, October 19, 2014
The "I don't know what I'm looking at" video of the day ...
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The "I don't know what I'm looking at" video of the day ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlxxrT7oLsU
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The "I don't know what I'm looking at" video of the day ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlxxrT7oLsU
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Film making quote of the day ....
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“If you're going to make a science fiction movie, then have a hover craft chase, for heaven's sake.”
― Joss Whedon
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“If you're going to make a science fiction movie, then have a hover craft chase, for heaven's sake.”
― Joss Whedon
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Legal tip of the day ....
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“You don't need a search warrant to go through someone's trash. Seriously. Once it hits the curb it is totally fair game- you can look it up.”
― Ally Carter
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“You don't need a search warrant to go through someone's trash. Seriously. Once it hits the curb it is totally fair game- you can look it up.”
― Ally Carter
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Psychological insight of the day ....
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“A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
― Mary Karr
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“A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
― Mary Karr
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Presidential Quote of the Day ....
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“I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?”
― Ronald Reagan
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“I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?”
― Ronald Reagan
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Literary Joke of the Day ....
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?
Thoreau editing... (Thorough.)
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?
Thoreau editing... (Thorough.)
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Joke of the day ....
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What's the difference between a Tuna and a piano?
You can tune a piano, but you cannot piano a Tuna.
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Saturday, October 18, 2014
Reptilian shape shifter video of the day .....
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Reptilian shape shifter video of the day .....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCi4n9egBh4
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Reptilian shape shifter video of the day .....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCi4n9egBh4
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The "I don't know what I'm looking at" video of the day ....
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The "I don't know what I'm looking at" video of the day ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHl4gtp7e-4&list=PL74386B88F3526C73
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The "I don't know what I'm looking at" video of the day ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHl4gtp7e-4&list=PL74386B88F3526C73
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Quote of the day .....
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“I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.”
― Edward Verrall Lucas
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“I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.”
― Edward Verrall Lucas
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Oscar Wilde quote of the day .....
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“If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want.”
― Oscar Wilde
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“If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want.”
― Oscar Wilde
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Joke of the day ....
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A bacteria walks into a concert hall while they're setting up the sound equipment. The bouncer at the door stops him and says to him "Sorry you can't come in here." The bacteria responds "but I'm Staph."
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A bacteria walks into a concert hall while they're setting up the sound equipment. The bouncer at the door stops him and says to him "Sorry you can't come in here." The bacteria responds "but I'm Staph."
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Friday, October 17, 2014
Quote of the day ....
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“My formula for life is very simple: in the morning, wake up; at night, go to sleep. In between I try and occupy myself as best I can.”
― Cary Grant
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“My formula for life is very simple: in the morning, wake up; at night, go to sleep. In between I try and occupy myself as best I can.”
― Cary Grant
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.The "I don't know what I'm look at" video of the day ....
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The "I don't know what I'm look at" video of the day ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uS80EpfVmWs
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The "I don't know what I'm look at" video of the day ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uS80EpfVmWs
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Reptilian shapeshifter video of the day .....
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Reptilian shapeshifter video of the day .....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jvRmrFcKwI
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Reptilian shapeshifter video of the day .....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jvRmrFcKwI
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Joke of the day ....
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Four college students weren’t prepared for an exam, and decided to skip it and ask for a make-up exam, explaining to the professor that their car had a flat tire on the way to class that day. The professor agreed to a make-up, at which time he seated the four students in separate corners of the room and wrote one exam question on the chalkboard. The question was, "Which tire?"
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Four college students weren’t prepared for an exam, and decided to skip it and ask for a make-up exam, explaining to the professor that their car had a flat tire on the way to class that day. The professor agreed to a make-up, at which time he seated the four students in separate corners of the room and wrote one exam question on the chalkboard. The question was, "Which tire?"
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Thursday, October 16, 2014
Quote of the day ....
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“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.”
― Reba McEntire
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“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.”
― Reba McEntire
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Wildlife joke of the day ...
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What did the porcupine say when he looked in the mirror?
Looking sharp!
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What did the porcupine say when he looked in the mirror?
Looking sharp!
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Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Quote of the day .....
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“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.”
― Ambrose Bierce
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“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.”
― Ambrose Bierce
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.Lemony Snicket quote of the day ...
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Lemony Snicket quote of the day ...
“Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, but there are so many secrets in the world that it is likely that you are always in the dark about one thing or another, whether you are in the dark in the dark or in the dark not in the dark, although the sun can go down so quickly that you may be in the in the dark about being in the dark, only to look around and find yourself no longer in the dark about being in the dark, but in the dark in the dark nonetheless, not only because of the dark, but because of the ballerinas in the dark, who are not in the dark about the dark, but also not in the dark about the locked cabinet, and you may be in the dark about the ballerinas digging up the locked cabinet in the dark, even though you are no longer in the dark about being in the dark, and so you are in fact in the dark about being in the dark, even though you are not in the dark about being in the dark, and so you may fall into the hole that the ballerinas have dug, which is dark, in the dark, and in the park. ”
― Lemony Snicket, The End
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Lemony Snicket quote of the day ...
“Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, but there are so many secrets in the world that it is likely that you are always in the dark about one thing or another, whether you are in the dark in the dark or in the dark not in the dark, although the sun can go down so quickly that you may be in the in the dark about being in the dark, only to look around and find yourself no longer in the dark about being in the dark, but in the dark in the dark nonetheless, not only because of the dark, but because of the ballerinas in the dark, who are not in the dark about the dark, but also not in the dark about the locked cabinet, and you may be in the dark about the ballerinas digging up the locked cabinet in the dark, even though you are no longer in the dark about being in the dark, and so you are in fact in the dark about being in the dark, even though you are not in the dark about being in the dark, and so you may fall into the hole that the ballerinas have dug, which is dark, in the dark, and in the park. ”
― Lemony Snicket, The End
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ASMR video of the day .....
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ASMR video of the day (you will need headphones or earbuds to listen properly)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqWtXvB78XA&list=PL78HBGTSjrBsfFrOdKID_TwUfb68BKedm
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ASMR video of the day (you will need headphones or earbuds to listen properly)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqWtXvB78XA&list=PL78HBGTSjrBsfFrOdKID_TwUfb68BKedm
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Alternate joke of the day ....
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Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
He couldn't concentrate.
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Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
He couldn't concentrate.
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Monday, October 13, 2014
The "I don't understand what I'm watching" video of the day ...
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The "I don't understand what I'm watching" video of the day ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dix7FLulri0
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The "I don't understand what I'm watching" video of the day ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dix7FLulri0
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Riddle ...
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What are the strongest days?
Saturday and Sunday because the other days are WEAK days!
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Sunday, October 12, 2014
Quote of the day .....
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“All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.”
― Seán O'Casey
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“All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.”
― Seán O'Casey
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Jarod Kintz quote of the day ....
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“I love Huey Lewis, but not the News, because the News is too depressing.”
― Jarod Kintz
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“I love Huey Lewis, but not the News, because the News is too depressing.”
― Jarod Kintz
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.Aussie accent joke of the day .....
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Aussie accent joke of the day .....
A general is doing his rounds at a military hospital when he comes across an Australian soldier that seemed very depressed. The general says to him, "Son, you didn't come here to die." The soldier replies "No, I came in yesterday!"
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Aussie accent joke of the day .....
A general is doing his rounds at a military hospital when he comes across an Australian soldier that seemed very depressed. The general says to him, "Son, you didn't come here to die." The soldier replies "No, I came in yesterday!"
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Nerdy Joke of the day .....
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Did you hear of the scientist who froze himself to absolute zero?
He was 0 k.
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Did you hear of the scientist who froze himself to absolute zero?
He was 0 k.
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.ASMR video of the day .....
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ASMR video of the day ..... (you will need headphones or earbuds to hear this properly) ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MJ4znyNIM8
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ASMR video of the day ..... (you will need headphones or earbuds to hear this properly) ....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MJ4znyNIM8
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Saturday, October 11, 2014
Hopeful quote of the day ....
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“My hope still is to leave the world a bit better than when I got here.”
― Jim Henson
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“My hope still is to leave the world a bit better than when I got here.”
― Jim Henson
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Home making warning of the day ..
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“Housework can kill you if done right.”
― Erma Bombeck
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“Housework can kill you if done right.”
― Erma Bombeck
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Art quote of the day .....
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“The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don’t even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it.”
― Jarod Kintz
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“The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don’t even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it.”
― Jarod Kintz
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Quote of the day ....
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“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished.”
― Groucho Marx
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“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished.”
― Groucho Marx
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Friday, October 10, 2014
Musical joke of the day ....
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A man goes into a see a doctor. He asks what's wrong Doctor? The Doctor replies I'm afraid it's Tom Jones Disease. The patient asks is it common? The doctor says it's not unusual.
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A man goes into a see a doctor. He asks what's wrong Doctor? The Doctor replies I'm afraid it's Tom Jones Disease. The patient asks is it common? The doctor says it's not unusual.
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My dream ....
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I dream of a world where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.
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I dream of a world where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.
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Sad joke of the day ....
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What do you get when you cross an interstate with a tricycle?
Killed
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What do you get when you cross an interstate with a tricycle?
Killed
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Thursday, October 9, 2014
Quote of the day ....
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“Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
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“Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
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Terry Pratchett quote of the day ...
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“Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
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“Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
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Sign of the day .....
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Sign in toy store: Don't feed the animals. They are already stuffed.
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Sign in toy store: Don't feed the animals. They are already stuffed.
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Godzilla joke of the day ...
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What did Godzilla say after eating a four-cylinder Datsun?
"Gosh, I could have had a V-8!"
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What did Godzilla say after eating a four-cylinder Datsun?
"Gosh, I could have had a V-8!"
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Joke of the day ....
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
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Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Pirate joke of the day .....
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Why couldn't the kid watch the pirate movie?
Because it was rated Rrrr!
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Why couldn't the kid watch the pirate movie?
Because it was rated Rrrr!
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Chestnut of the day .....
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Why did the cowboy adopt a Dachshund?
To git alonng little doggeh!
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Why did the cowboy adopt a Dachshund?
To git alonng little doggeh!
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Joke of the day .....
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A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.
It's a shitzu.
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A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.
It's a shitzu.
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Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Monday, October 6, 2014
Cultural difference of the day .....
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“In Ireland, you go to someone's house, and she asks you if you want a cup of tea. You say no, thank you, you're really just fine. She asks if you're sure. You say of course you're sure, really, you don't need a thing. Except they pronounce it ting. You don't need a ting. Well, she says then, I was going to get myself some anyway, so it would be no trouble. Ah, you say, well, if you were going to get yourself some, I wouldn't mind a spot of tea, at that, so long as it's no trouble and I can give you a hand in the kitchen. Then you go through the whole thing all over again until you both end up in the kitchen drinking tea and chatting.
In America, someone asks you if you want a cup of tea, you say no, and then you don't get any damned tea.
I liked the Irish way better.”
― C.E. Murphy
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“In Ireland, you go to someone's house, and she asks you if you want a cup of tea. You say no, thank you, you're really just fine. She asks if you're sure. You say of course you're sure, really, you don't need a thing. Except they pronounce it ting. You don't need a ting. Well, she says then, I was going to get myself some anyway, so it would be no trouble. Ah, you say, well, if you were going to get yourself some, I wouldn't mind a spot of tea, at that, so long as it's no trouble and I can give you a hand in the kitchen. Then you go through the whole thing all over again until you both end up in the kitchen drinking tea and chatting.
In America, someone asks you if you want a cup of tea, you say no, and then you don't get any damned tea.
I liked the Irish way better.”
― C.E. Murphy
Quote of the day ....
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“Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.”
― Scott Adams
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“Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.”
― Scott Adams
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Seasonal joke of the day ....
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What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
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What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
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Sunday, October 5, 2014
Quote of the day ....
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“The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.”
― Terry Pratchett
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“The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.”
― Terry Pratchett
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Chestnut of the day .....
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Why did the boy throw his clock out of the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly!
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Why did the boy throw his clock out of the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly!
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Joke of the day ....
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Did you hear about the mechanic who is addicted to brake fluid?
He says he can stop at any time.
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Saturday, October 4, 2014
Joke of the day ....
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Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings
from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out
past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline
ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and
then make such an obvious error, he replied:
...
from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out
past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline
ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and
then make such an obvious error, he replied:
...
"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
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Friday, October 3, 2014
Joke of the day .....
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Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent!
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Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent!
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Thursday, October 2, 2014
Quote of the day .....
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“Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't. ”
― Pete Seeger
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“Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't. ”
― Pete Seeger
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George Carlin quote of the day .....
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“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”
― George Carlin
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“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”
― George Carlin
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Geeky joke of the day ...
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If you have three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what do you have?
Very big hands.
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Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Joke of the day ....
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Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
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Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
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