Jokes and stuff

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What did Zero say to the Eight?

 "Nice Belt!"

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What did an early worm say to the late worm? 

Where in earth have you been! 

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What did baby tyrannosaurus like to play on at the park? 

A dino-see-saur!

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“In Ireland, you go to someone's house, and she asks you if you want a cup of tea. You say no, thank you, you're really just fine. She asks if you're sure. You say of course you're sure, really, you don't need a thing. Except they pronounce it ting. You don't need a ting. Well, she says then, I was going to get myself some anyway, so it would be no trouble. Ah, you say, well, if you were going to get yourself some, I wouldn't mind a spot of tea, at that, so long as it's no trouble and I can give you a hand in the kitchen. Then you go through the whole thing all over again until you both end up in the kitchen drinking tea and chatting. 

In America, someone asks you if you want a cup of tea, you say no, and then you don't get any damned tea.

I liked the Irish way better.” 

― C.E. Murphy

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“Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.” 

― Scott Adams

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What do ya call Santa's little helpers?

Subordinate clauses.

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Why was the borrowed money sad?

It was A LOAN

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“In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

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