Jokes and stuff

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(*_-) - Pirate in a Bar

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. 

The pirate had a peg leg, a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. 

Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said, "Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd like to buy you a drink." 

The pirate came over and ordered rum. 

"Just out of curiosity," the man said, "how did you lose your leg?" 

"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboard for stealing a man's rum." 

"That's just terrible. How did you lose your hand?" the man said. 

"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that fighting cannibals off Madagascar under Admiral Hawk." 

"Oh my!" the man said, "I can't even imagine! How did you lose your eye?" 

"Arrrgh! A seagull pooped in it!" said the pirate. 

"A seagull!" the man exclaimed. "Is seagull poop dangerous?!" he asked. 

"Nay, matey, it was me first day with the hook..."

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A divorce court judge said to the husband,

"Mr Geraghty, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."

"That's very fair, your Honor," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

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Everybody should believe in something. 

I believe I'll have another cup of tea. 

~Author Unknown 

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Album of the Day

Lifeless - Dream 2015 (Full Album)

Hardcore from New Jersey, USA.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veKOiTbPjfs&t=1673s

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“Likest thou jelly within thy doughnut?”

― Jim Butcher

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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

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“You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.” 

― Albert Einstein

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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music.

Mt. Rushmore. They're a rock group   (it's a rock...group)

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“Alice had begun with 'Let's pretend we're kings and queens;' and her sister, who liked being exact, had argued that they couldn't, because there were only two of them, and Alice hand been reduced at last to say, 'Well, you can be one of them then, and I'll be the rest.”

― Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There

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